The Long Patrol Commandments

[Ashstripe]

Added. We're up to 197.

[Prankster101]

WOW! This is getting LONG!!!!! Now it is getting harder not to repeat ourselves.

Thou shalt not use cafeteria food that you do not find appealing as projectiles to throw at the vermin.

'I LIKE PIE' is not an acceptable response during roll call.

Thou shalt not answer that thou art not here during roll call.

Answering for thine companion during roll call with an insult in order to get them in trouble is not funny.

Thou shalt not have a staring contest with a pine martian. Thy will lose, if not also die in the process.



_{(Posted while still a member of this site)}

[Wildrun]

I'm happy I wasn't drinking anything when I read this. It's a regular old hare riot! XD

If someone calls thee a bunny, thou shalt proceed to boot him off the mountain.

Once you have booted the offender off the mountain, thou shalt apologize.

When ye aplogize, thou shalt not claim thyself to be thy drill sergeant 'in case he comes back for more'.

Redwall Abbey is not a 'haven for schizo vermin'. Anyone who insinuates as such shall be fed to the wolverine.

Thou shalt not call the wolverine 'Logan' and ask how 'Professor X' is doing.

Thou shalt not arrange a camping trip to Mossflower Woods.

Just because thine arm is broken does not mean ye may ask the Badger Lord to feed you.

If thine arm is broken by the Bager Lord under any circumstances, ye may may not claim that thine Lordship 'owes you'.

Thou shalt not taunt the cheese addict. It is cruel and unusual.

Thou shalt not scratch out or add to any of the Commandments. It is not funny.

Thine commanding officer has not stolen his moustaches from Hercule Poirot. Stop asking.

Thou thine commanding officer bears the 'handlebar moustache', he his not secretly part of a 'biker gang'.

Do not feet the wolverine with thy rations.

Do not feed the wolverine with dead bodies, even if it is to 'clean up'.

Ye may not start a boxing match over the last piece of pie.

Thou shalt duel for it instead.

Thine name is not 'Chuck Norris'. Thou shalt not claim it is during roll call.

[Ashstripe]

Added. We're up to 225! =]

[Prankster101]

How long is thing going to get?!?!

Thou shalt not throw our lacrosse balls at the vermin, no matter how much they may hurt.

Thou shalt not force the vermin prisoners onto teams and make them play football for your enjoyment.

If thou happens to be found playing volleyball while on guard duty outside on the beach, thou shalt be punished.

If thou art to get into a fight over a pool game, and thou ends up breaking the sticks, thou shalt not duct tape them back together and hope no beast notices, thou must replace them immediately.

Thou shalt not get into and argument at the pool table with thine Badger Lord, for I am always right.



_{(Posted while still a member of this site)}

[Ashstripe]

I won't stop until it is an affront to God...AN AFFRONT TO GOD! *Shakes fists towards the sky*

We're up to 334.

[Prankster101]

Thou shalt not test thine Badger Lord or Commander in doubt that they are not right.

Thou shalt not ask the vermin if they want a knuckle sandwich during battle.

Thou shalt not sing gory battle songs in front of beasts that you know have week stomachs.

Thou shalt not talk about bloody battles in the mess hall, or thou shalt be cleaning up the mess.

_{(Posted while still a member of this site)}

[Tirael]

Thou shalt not ask what happened to commandments 230 to 329.

[Wildrun]

Thou shalt not pretend to "spoil" the fantards of whatever fandom. It is not "funny".

Thou shalt not point out that thine Badger Lord's whipped cream has been stolen. He is aware of this.

Thou shalt not claim ye know who stole thine Badger Lord's whipped cream. He knows who.

Thou shalt not steal thine Badger Lord's whipped cream once he has recovered it. To do so will be to be tied to a chair and watch as thy commanding officer eats in front of ye.

Ye shalt not impersonate a commanding officer just so ye may eat in front of the prisoners/fools who stole the whipped cream.

Ye shall not offer sactuary to the whipped-cream thief, not matter how she bribes you with said whipped cream.

To be caught harboring said theif is to be booted off the mountain.

Ye shalt not steal thine Badger Lord's glasses and replace them with googly-eyes. It is not 'funny'.

When thine Badger Lord is away, ye hares shalt NOT play.

To be caught playing while thine Badger Lord is away is to be framed for stealing the whipped cream and suffer accordingly.

Ye may not frame an innocent for the stealing of the whipped cream for 'kicks'. It is not 'funny'.

To sneak into the annual Mountain Movie Night without paying is a criminal offense. To be caught doing so will be to be forced to watch Twilight. Over and over and over again.

Ye shalt not escape.

Sparrow did not throw the ball that shattered thine Badger Lord's window. Ye shalt not blame him for it.

If Sparrow in fact did shatter thine badger Lord's window, ye shalt not claim "I told you so".

[Prankster101]

Thou shalt not put ink around the black rims of thine Badger Lord's binoculars. Even if you can't see them for thine Badger Lord's head stripes, thou wilt be found out.

Thou shalt not put a funny face on thine Badger Lord's mirror.

Thou shalt not wash thine Badger Lord's reds and whites together while on washing duty.

Thou shalt not plaster the stairs with glue or the halls with grease.

If thou do any of the above thou shalt be booted off the mountain with your ears coated with red paint and the other hares will laugh at you until the paint is washed out.



_{(Posted while still a member of this site)}

[Ashstripe]

Haha. Love it. Added them all. We're up to 372.

[Prankster101]

Thou shalt not sleep in thine Badger Lord's bed, for he will know.

Thou shalt not leave the Siege Towers on an incline ever! Even if thou did apply the parking break.

Thou shalt not ask thine Badger Lord if he needs help applying his war paint. The last 'culprit' was caught and immediately booted off the mountain.

Thou shalt learn the difference between a weasel and a ferret as thou also will learn the difference between a hare and a bunny, plus the difference between an adder and a regular snake. This is the law.




_{(Posted while still a member of this site)}

[Ashstripe]

XD. That reminds me of my earlier days trying to drive, doing a hill-start and nearly crashed into the car behind me.

It was my first time - cut me some slack.

Added. We're up to 376.

[Prankster101]

Thou shalt not leave the siege tower unattended, even if the parking break is on.

Thou shalt not play "demolition derby" with the siege tower and the battering ram.

Thou shalt never bring fire arrows on to the siege tower, or any flame of any kind, even if the wood is wet.

Thou shalt not drink October ale and then try to drive the siege tower.

If any beast is found drinking and driving they shalt be hence forth booted off the mountain.



_{(Posted while still a member of this site)}

[Wildrun]

When thou art booted off the mountain for any of the above or following reasons, thou shalt not come back until thine elders allow ye to do so.

If ye try to sneak past the gate guard, ye shall be allowed back only to be the kitchen eateries and be restricted to thy rations.

And we care not how "starvin forbidden'" ye may be.

[Ashstripe]

Added. We're up to 394. =]

[Ashstripe]

Heh, I might wrap it up then.

[Elicia]

NO! Only six more!

If thou break the Long Patrol Commandments more than three times, thou shalt be tied to a chair while your fellows eat dinner in front of thou, and then thou shalt be booted off the mountain.

Upon the fourth offense to the Commandments, thou shalt be tied to a chair in the kitchens and thou shalt watch the cooks prepare, serve, and eat a feast before thou gets booted off the mountain.

[Ashstripe]

I'll keep adding them. But 'Life as a Long Patroller is harsh, halt thy whining!' shalt remain the final Commandment.

We're up to 404.

[ferretface]

So, we'll be adding in the giant gap between the 200s and 300s?

Okay, then, how 'bout...

Shrew warriors are not, 'cute'.

Thou shalt not wipe thy nose with thy tablecloth.

Thou shalt maintain a balanced diet of pork, beef and poultry.

Thou art not 'scientifically herbivorous'.

Thou shalt not break wind on patrol.

Thou shalt not paint thyself blue, unless that is thine unit's colours.

"Flesh tone" is not a military banner colour.

Cardinal and gold is not merely red and yellow, heathen.

Thou shalt not pick thy nose on duty.