Post by Ashstripe on Aug 23, 2009 6:19:01 GMT -5
These are the laws which guide us and bind us, in our duty to Mossflower...
Do you have what it takes to master them all?
1. Thou shalt not put a 'kick me' sign on the Badger Lord's throne.
2. Thou shalt not kick the Badger Lord should thou see a 'kick me' sign on his throne.
3. Ferrets and Weasels are not, 'cute'.
4. The tunics do not make the 'gels look fat.
5. Thou shalt not ask Redwall's Sparra, if 'Polly wanna cracker?'
6. Raising thine paws above the Badger Lord to give him ears, is not 'funny'.
7. Replacing his Lordships sword with a plastic weapon before battle, is not 'funny'.
8. Thou shalt not place an 'eat me' sign on the Commanding Officer's back prior to fighting reptiles.
9. Thou shalt not use the banner to dry thine tunics.
11. Thou shalt not burn the Badger Lord's cape on a cold night.
12. Thou shalt not tie the laces of the Badger-Lord's boots together then run away giggling.
13. Thou shalt not throw a javelin towards foxes and command them to 'fetch'.
14. Corporeal 'I.P Freely' is not enlisted; stop asking during the roll-calls.
15. Thou shalt not make 'funny noises' during parades.
16. Officers do have a sense of humour.
17. Thou shalt not remark 'Argh matey' around the Skipper with the eye-patch.
18. The GUOSIM are not 'Wee-man'.
19. Painting a rainbow over the Secret Chamber, is not 'funny'.
20. Scratching that you 'woz 'ere' in the Secret Chamber, is not 'cool'.
21. No you may not use Martin's sword to eat your food.
22. Stabbing a comrade before battle because they looked at you funny, does not count as a 'a casualty of war'.
23. 'Rat-traps' are not approved Long Patrol weapons.
24. 'Lights out' means lights out.
25. 'Leeeroooooooy Jeeeeenkins' is not a Long Patrol approved battle-cry.
26. 'A-hoo! A-hoo' is not an approved battle-cry.
27. The General is not the 'Easter Bunny'.
28. 'Eullllliaaaa' is not 'lame'.
29. Bloodwrathed Badgers and glue, do not 'mix'.
30. Thou shalt not wave a red cape in front of our Badger allies whilst they suffer the Bloodwrath.
31. Brockhall is not the gateway to 'Narnia'.
32. Thou shalt not gamble thine weapons with the enemy.
33. Thou shalt not threaten to turn Reptiles into 'purses', even if thou fully intends to see thine threat through.
34. Our arrows will not 'blot out the sun'. Nor shall we 'fight in the shade.'
35. Thou shalt not play 'murder in the dark' with captured Vermin.
36. Drill Sergeants are not 'Nigel no Friends.'
37. 'Rent-a-spears' are not legitimate practices.
38. Thou shalt not sell thine weapons to the vermin for drinking money.
39. Leaning on the GUOSIM shrews is not 'funny.'
40. Thou shalt not give shrews a 'noogie' and after the fight claim that 'he started it.'
41. The Captain's eating habits are not 'depression related'.
42. Thou shalt not sell Salamandastron on E-bay.
43. 'Stripe dogs' do not go on leashes for 'walkies'
44. Carving thine name into the local trees or wildlife is not 'funny'.
45. Redwall Abbey is not a 'cheap hotel'.
46. Tripping an Officer prior to battle is not 'funny'.
47. Thou shalt not compare the Badger Lord to 'Hitler'.
48. Thou shalt not paint a Moles digging claws whilst they sleep for 'laughs'.
49. Thou shalt not remark 'he's one of us now' if thou sees thine Lord with 'bunny-ears' behind his head.
50. Replacing the forge charcoal with black rocks, will be noticed.
51. Thou shalt not hang thine uniforms off of Hedgehogs.
52. Thou shalt not bring thine 'sack lunch' to battle.
53. 'Badger Badger Badger Mushroom, Mushroooom.' is not a Long Patrol approved musical.
54. Thou shalt not play truth-or-dare by jumping off the top of Salamandastron.
55. Thou shalt not play 'little bunny foo foo' to a field mouse.
56. Thou shalt not replace thine Badger Lord's cooling water in the forge with lamp oil.
57. Thou shalt not relieve thineself down the slopes of the mountain.
58. The Jonas Brothers music is not a recognised form of torture.
59. Thou shalt not instigate rounds of 'y'know yore a vermin when..' whilst intoxicated on ale
60. Thou shalt not 'play chicken' with the lances
61. Thou shalt not feed the rats.
62. Thou shalt not install 'mag-wheels' onto the battering ram
63. Nor shall thou install 'spinners' onto the battering ram, or 'fuzzy dice.'
64. Thou shalt eat thy rations
65. The archers are not 'merry men'.
66. Thou shalt not ignore thine elders as they recite the tales of Scooby Doo.
67. 'Gate goes up, gate goes down.' is not a Long Patrol recognised tactic in times of war.
68. The Brother-mice of Redwall are not cross-dressers.
69. Thou shalt recognise the difference between a robe and a dress.
70. Thou shalt not snicker at the previous commandment.
71. No, the 'French' will not help us against the Frogs.
72. Thou shalt not have staring contests with serpents.
73. Thou shalt not make 'cat-sounds' when the 'gels argue.
74. Thou shalt offer paw-massages to the 'gels after battle. I need not explain why.
75. Thou shalt not offer the mice a turn in the 'hamster wheel.'
76. 'A clue, a clue!' is not the code-word for an enemy attack.
77. Thou shalt not play 'toy soldiers' with the shrews.
78. Thou shalt not ask the Voles if they are, 'beeched as bro?' or 'want a chup?'
79. Sparra's are friends. Not food.
80. Thou shalt not use the reasoning 'if I can drop kick it over a fence, it has no feelings.'
81. 'Arrer-negotiations' are not a legitimate form of diplomacy.
82. The Bloodwrath are not voices in the Badger's head.
83. Thou shalt not ask if thy Lordship can hear the voices, or follow his steps repeating 'How about now?' in an attempt to drive him insane.
84. Thou shalt not do 'wheelies' with the siege tower!
85. Thou shalt not play 'leap frog' with thine toad enemy.
86. The 'gels' shalt not play 'dress up' with the shrews.
87. Thou shalt not play 'bowling for shrews'.
88. Thou shalt not put hotroot pepper in thy Badger Lord's cup or food or there shall be dire consequences.
89. Painting 'flames' on the battering rams do not make them 'go faster'
90. Thou shalt not install 'speed-holes' onto the battering ram.
91. No, you may not take the Siege tower 'for a spin'.
92. Thou shalt not talk to the GUOSIM talking stone.
93. Pink is not an officially recognised Long Patrol colour.
94. Thou shalt not refer to his majesty's forge as the 'Rave room'.
95. Thine Badger Lord's tears cannot cure cancer; stop kicking his shins to prove otherwise.
96. Thou shalt not let a Mole be the designated driver of thine battering ram.
97. Leveretts are not 'target practice'
98. Thou shalt NEVER take the Steve Irwin((RIP)) approach to reptiles; if they do not respond to external stimuli, do not attempt to poke it with a stick.
99. Thou shalt never play 'pin the tail on the Badger'.
100. Thou shalt not throw lamp-oil into the Forge just to 'see what happens'
101. Thou shalt not 'drag-race' the GUOSIM log boats down the rapids of Mossflower.
102. Thou shalt not blame the vermin hordes whence thou returns with the destroyed log boats.
103. Thou shalt not 'play chicken' with the battering rams and Siege Towers.
104. Thou shalt not leave the parades or speeches to 'go out and get a pack of cigarettes.'
105. Thou shalt not leave the Mountain to order food from Redwall.
106. Thou shalt not charge thine purchases on the Badger Lords 'tab'.
107. Thou shalt not put a bucket of water above thine Badger Lord's door.
108. Thou may not use freshly plucked hedgehog quills for darts.
109. Thou shalt not build sand castles out on the beach while on guard duty.
110. Thou shalt not 'do-si-do' with the sand crabs on break.
111. Putting sand in the Badger Lord's armour is not, 'funny'.
112. Yes, it will be noticed if you 'borrow' the Badger Lord's equipment.
113. No, you may not 'play whack-a-mole' with the Moles.
114. Thou shalt not rent advertising space on thine banners.
115. Thou shalt not install hydraulics on thine battering rams.
116. Thou shalt not use the holy relic mace; of Sunflash the Mace 'to play polo'.
117. Thou shalt not use Martin's Sword as a back-scratcher.
118. Thou shalt not offer others back-scratches with Martin's sword.
119. No, the GUOSIM log-boats are not insured; stop asking the Log-a-Log.
120. Thou shalt not ask the Drill Sergeant to use his 'inside voice' when berating thee.
121. Thou shalt not place a 'beware of the (Stripe)-dog' sign on the gates of Salamandastron.
122. Thou shalt not attempt to 'procure the good stuff' from the Infirmary.
123. Thou shalt remember that a beer-drinking hat does not make you a 'Harelord'.
124. Thou shalt not swap the salt and pepper.
125. Thou shalt not 'chug drinks' with the local Otter holt.
126. Thou shalt not ask 'Tiderunner' otters to race the tide or 'Streambattle' otters to fight the stream.
127. Thou shalt respect the large easily annoyed wildcat, and not ask if he "has been a good kitty" today.
128. Thou wilt not attempt to create a military group of vermin you've collected and name it the Fleet-footed Cowards.
129. Thou shalt not sell the plans to Redwall, Salamandastron and/or a map to Noonvale to the invading horde for "a share of the loot."
130. Thou shalt not announce in the Mess Hall that you are the new Harelord and the new regimental name is 'The Death to all Vermin Horde.'
131. Thou shalt not declare war on the local 'vermin' allies.
132. Thou shalt not hunt Slothunog armed only with a pointy stick and the assurance "I will slay you, foul reptile!"
133. Thou shalt not play 'this little piggy' with thine Badger Lord's toes while he is sleeping.
134. Thou shalt not play 'this little piggy' with thine Badger Lord's toes while he is awake either.
135. Thou shalt not use thine Badger Lord's forge to roast marshmallows.
136. Thou shalt not use thine Badger Lord's Throne as a step stool.
137. Thou shalt not 'wish I was a Punk Rocker' with flowers in thine hair.
138. Thou shalt not refer to the holy Spirit of Martin as 'The righteous dead dude.'
139. Thou shalt not ask Vermin Seers to read thine paws.
140. Thou shalt not blame Salamandastron's 'central heating' for falling asleep during parades.
141. Thou shalt not invite Bats to Karaoke Night. Ever.
142. Thou shalt not use thine lamp oil and the fires of the forge to 'get rid of those damn bats.'
143. Thou shalt not proclaim false happy hours; they are Fridays and Fridays alone.
144. Thou shalt look before thou leap.
145. Thou shalt not use Log-boats as a battering ram.
146. Contrary to the rumours spread by the Vermin hordes; Badgers cannot fly.
147. Thou shalt not test this theory by pushing thine Badger Lord off the slopes of Salamandastron.
148. Thou shalt not notice there is no 10th Commandment.
149. Thou shalt not use the Sword of Martin for chopping vegetables and/or fruit.
150. Badger Lords are stronger than you. Plan thy foolish prank around the few minutes of life thou will have left.
151. Thou shalt NOT shake a Wolverine's paw with blood on thy person.
152. Thou shalt not shave off thine commanding officer's moustache while he is asleep.
153. Thou shalt not step on the Abbots habit.
154. Thou shalt not see how well shrews can swim by pushing them out of thy boat.
155. Thou shalt not rock the boat.
156. Thou shalt not play hide-and-seek in the tunnels.
157. Thou shalt not stomp through the window gardens.
158. Clipping thine Badger Lord's whiskers while he is sleeping is not 'funny'.
159. Organizing thine 'pals' in to the formation spelling "you stink" while marching into battle is not 'funny'.
160. Thou shalt not use tickle torture on prisoners.
161. Thou shalt not instigate food-fights in the Mess Hall; that is blasphemy in the eyes of the Long Patrol.
162. Thou shalt not invite Wolverines to the annual 'Uno night'; one giant sore loser is sufficient.
163. Thou shalt not laugh at how small thine allies are.
164. Thou shalt not inspire thine allies to halt the impeding vermin hordes by 'holding hands in a line and staying put'.
165. His Lordship never 'cheats' during our annual 'Uno nights'; anyone suggesting this shall be summarily thrown off the slopes of Salamandastron.
166. Nor does he 'cheat' at our weekly 'Guess Who' competitions; halt thy whining!
167. Thou shalt not deface thine battering rams with the stickers saying 'We don't brake'.
168. Thou shalt not send the Vermin Hordes 'Trick or Treating'.
169. Thou shalt not play 'pin-the-arrow-on-the-enemy', especially when your enemy is three times larger than yourself.
170. When another creature is emotionally distraught, thou shalt not say they are having a 'Badger Lord' moment, for it is not like that.
171. Should thou call it a "Badger Lord' moment, they shalt be booted off the top of the Mountain post haste.
172. There has never and will never be A-Wear-Your-Uniform-Like-A-Toga Battle Day, so stop plotting.
173. Thou shalt not paint thy sergeant's or Badger Lord's face on thy dartboard.
174. Thou shalt not fire thy sergeant major out of the catapult.
175. "C'mon if you think you're hard enough" is not a standard military warcry.
176. Thou shalt not fire arrows at thy dartboard during pub contests.
177. Thou shalt not drink heavily before throwing thy darts.
178. Thou shalt not throw darts whilst thine Badger Lord is nearby.
179. Thou shalt certainly not disobey all three above commandments simultaneously, on pain of death.
180. Thou shalt not fill up thine Badger Lord's suggestion box with anything your heart desires or your random thoughts.
181. Thou shalt not even think of creating a mindless suggestion box.
182. Thou shalt not cover thine self in red berry juice and hide thine self in the secret chamber to see if thine Badger Lord has a sense of humor.
183. The General will not be amused if you paint a rainbow on his tunic.
184. Thou shalt not take the battering ram out on Saturdays 'to impress the gel's'
185. Thou shalt not throw thine sharpened weapons at thine Sergeant whilst crying 'THINK FAST!'
186. Thou shalt not swap thine delectable rations with the Vermin Hordes.
187. Thou shalt not shave a Wolverine whilst they sleep; it's all fun and games until the Winter comes.
188. When marching towards thy glorious battle and possible glorious death, thou shalt not ask thy Officers 'are we there yet?'
189. Thou shalt not chase Voles with a spork.
190. Thou shalt follow thy rulebook
191. Thou shalt not make up rules.
192. When ordered to charge against a Serpent, shouting 'Your on your own chaps!' and running away; is not the correct protocol.
193. Thou shalt ignore strange voices in thy head.
194. Thou shalt not comment on 'being a better shot with the longbow' then thine Badger Lord; keep it to thyself!
195. Thou shalt not steal candy from Leveretts, Dibbuns, Shrews, Voles, Mice or the Badger Lord.
196. Vermin however, are acceptable.
197. Thou shalt not use cafeteria food that you do not find appealing as projectiles to throw at the vermin.
198. 'I LIKE PIE' is not an acceptable response during roll call.
199. Thou shalt not answer that thou art not here during roll call.
200. Answering for thine companions during roll call with an insult, in order to get them in trouble is not 'funny'.
201. Thou shalt not have a staring contest with a Pine Marten. Thou will lose, if not die in the process.
202. If someone calls thee a bunny, thou shalt proceed to boot him off the mountain.
203. Once you have booted the offender off the mountain, thou shalt apologize.
204. When ye apologize, thou shalt not claim thyself to be thy Drill Sergeant 'in case he comes back for more'.
205. Redwall Abbey is not a 'haven for schizo vermin'. Anyone who insinuates as such shall be fed to the Wolverine.
206. Thou shalt not call the wolverine 'Logan' and ask how 'Professor X' is doing.
207. Thou shalt not arrange a camping trip to Mossflower Woods.
208. Just because thine arm is broken does not mean thou may ask the Badger Lord to feed you.
209. If thine arm is broken by the Bager Lord under any circumstances, thou may may not claim that thine Lordship 'owes you'.
210. Thou shalt not taunt the cheese addict. It is cruel and unusual.
211. Thou shalt not scratch out or add to any of the Commandments. It is not 'funny'.
212. Thine commanding officer has not stolen his moustaches from Hercule Poirot. Stop asking.
213. Though thine Commanding Officer bears the 'handlebar moustache', he his not secretly part of a 'biker gang'.
214. Nor is he Chopper Reid.
215. Do not feed the wolverine with thy rations.
216. Do not feed the wolverine with dead bodies, even if it is to 'clean up'.
217. Thou may not start a boxing match over the last piece of pie.
218. Thou shalt duel for it instead.
219. Thine name is not 'Chuck Norris'. Thou shalt not claim it is during roll call.
220. Thou shalt not point out how many crimes are punishable by mountain booting; he who fails to adhere to this commandment shalt be summarily kicked off the mountain.
221. No, you may not keep the Wolverine as a pet.
222. Yes, it will be discovered if you keep a Wolverine in the lower-levels of Salamandastron.
223. Thou shalt not play football with the Vermin Hordes.
224. Thou shalt not lose at football with the Vermin Hordes.
225. Thou shalt get into fights over games of pool; it matters not the rules that each side silently agreed upon at the start of the match.
226. Thou shalt not throw our lacrosse balls at the vermin, no matter how much they may hurt.
227. Thou shalt not force the vermin prisoners onto teams and make them play football for your enjoyment.
228. If thou happens to be found playing volleyball while on guard duty outside on the beach, thou shalt be punished.
229. If thou art to get into a fight over a pool game, and thou ends up breaking the sticks, thou shalt not duct tape them back together and hope no beast notices, thou must replace them immediately.
330. Thou shalt not get into and argument at the pool table with thine Badger Lord, for he is always right.
331. Thine Commanders and Badger Lord are always right.
332. Thou shalt ignore all hunches or ideas - unless suggested by thine Commander or Badger Lord, who are always right.
333. Should thou find thyself in doubt, contact thine Badger Lord or Commander. They are the ones who are always right.
334. Thou shalt not swap places with a Vermin Horde member for a day.
335. Thou shalt not test thine Badger Lord or Commander in doubt that they are not right.
336. Thou shalt not ask the vermin if they want a knuckle sandwich during battle.
337. Thou shalt not sing gory battle songs in front of beasts that you know have week stomachs.
338. Thou shalt not talk about bloody battles in the mess hall, or thou shalt be cleaning up the mess.
339. Thou shalt not ask what happened to commandments 230 to 329.
340. Thou shalt not pretend to "spoil" the fantards of whatever fandom. It is not "funny".
341. Thou shalt not point out that thine Badger Lord's whipped cream has been stolen. He is aware of this.
342. Thou shalt not claim that thou knows who stole thine Badger Lord's whipped cream. He knows who.
343. Thou shalt not steal thine Badger Lord's whipped cream once he has recovered it. To do so will be to be tied to a chair and watch as thy commanding officer eats in front of ye.
344. Thou shalt not impersonate a Commanding Officer just so thou may eat in front of the prisoners/fools who stole the whipped cream.
345. Thou shall not offer sanctuary to the whipped-cream thief, no matter how much she bribes you with said whipped cream.
346. To be caught harboring said thief is to be booted off the mountain.
347. Thou shalt not steal thine Badger Lord's glasses and replace them with googly-eyes. It is not 'funny'.
348. When thine Badger Lord is away, the hares shalt NOT play.
349. To be caught playing while thine Badger Lord is away is to be framed for stealing the whipped cream and suffer accordingly.
350. Thou may not frame an innocent for the stealing of the whipped cream for 'kicks'. It is not 'funny'.
351. To sneak into the annual Mountain Movie Night without paying is a criminal offence. To be caught doing so will be to be forced to watch Twilight. Over and over and over again.
352. Thou shalt not escape.
353. Sparrow did not throw the ball that shattered thine Badger Lord's window. Thou shalt not blame him for it.
354. If Sparrow in fact did shatter thine badger Lord's window, thou shalt not claim "I told you so".
355. Thou shalt not put ink around the black rims of thine Badger Lord's binoculars. Even if you can't see them for thine Badger Lord's head stripes, thou wilt be found out.
356. Thou shalt not put a funny face on thine Badger Lord's mirror.
357. Thou shalt not wash thine Badger Lord's reds and whites together while on washing duty.
358. Thou shalt not plaster the stairs with glue or the halls with grease.
359. If thou do any of the above thou shalt be booted off the mountain with your ears coated with red paint and the other hares will laugh at you until the paint is washed out.
360. Thou shalt not attempt to 'pants' the Commanding Officer
361. Thou shalt not step on thine smaller allies and say 'I didn't see them.'
362. Thou shalt not refer to Salamandastron as 'Mt. Doom'.
363. Thine weapons are not 'toys'.
364. Thine allies are not 'toys'.
365. Rats are not Mice 'past their use by date.'
366. Thou shalt not discipline the Leverets with the sword of Martin.
367. Thou shalt not cheat at the monthly Sand-Castle contests.
368. Thou shalt always use thine parking brake in thine Siege Towers - especially near cliffs.
369. The Forge is not a stove; lest thou want a repeat of the incident in the Summer of the 'Flamin' Bloodwrathed Badger'.
370. Thou shalt not ask thine elders of the aforementioned incident - ever.
371. Replacing the war-paint with make-up, is not 'funny'.
372. Thou shalt not remark that thine Sergeant's blush has not been applied correctly.
373. Thou shalt not sleep in thine Badger Lord's bed, for he will know.
374. Thou shalt not leave the Siege Towers on an incline ever! Even if thou did apply the parking break.
375. Thou shalt not ask thine Badger Lord if he needs help applying his war paint. The last 'culprit' was caught and immediately booted off the mountain.
376. Thou shalt learn the difference between a weasel and a ferret as thou also will learn the difference between a hare and a bunny, plus the difference between an adder and a regular snake. This is the law.
377. Thou shalt not leave the siege tower unattended, even if the parking break is on.
378. Thou shalt not play "demolition derby" with the siege tower and the battering ram.
379. Thou shalt never bring fire arrows on to the siege tower, or any flame of any kind, even if the wood is wet.
380. Thou shalt not drink October ale and then try to drive the siege tower.
381. If any beast is found drinking and driving they shalt be hence forth booted off the mountain.
382. When thou art booted off the mountain for any of the above or following reasons, thou shalt not come back until thine elders allow thee to do so.
383. If thou try to sneak past the gate guard, thou shall be allowed back only to be the kitchen eateries and be restricted to thy rations.
384. And we care not how "starvin forbidden'" thou may be.
385. Barney the Dinosaur is NOT thine 'friend'.
386. Nor is he the Badger Lord's 'friend'.
387. Thou shalt remember that 'Code Purple' is a 'Kill on Sight'
388. Barney is a Vermin.
389. The Sappers shalt not 'set us up the bomb'.
390. All thine base art belong to us.
391. Thou shalt not power the battering rams via Leveret labour - it is cruel and unusual.
392. Thou shalt not pour 'Kool-Aid' into hatches of the battering rams whilst making the remark 'The leverets get thirsty y'know?'
393. There hast not and never wilt be, a 'Rave night'.
394. Thou shalt not make 'your mom' jokes in front of thine female commanding officer.
395. Thou shalt not tease thine Commanding Officer by pointing and saying 'Look sir - vermin chaps.'
396. Ferrets are not 'terminators in disguise'.
397. Thou shalt beware of strange noises in thine Siege Tower
398. Thou shalt not reveal the location of the keys to Salmandastron - under the pot-plant to the left side of the gate.
399. Thou shalt water his Lordships pot-plant every two days
400. Thou shalt not return books late
402. If thou break the Long Patrol Commandments more than three times, thou shalt be tied to a chair while your fellows eat dinner in front of thou, and then thou shalt be booted off the mountain.
403. Upon the fourth offense to the Commandments, thou shalt be tied to a chair in the kitchens and thou shalt watch the cooks prepare, serve, and eat a feast before thou gets booted off the mountain.
404. Shrew warriors are not, 'cute'.
405. Thou shalt not wipe thy nose with thy tablecloth.
406. Thou shalt maintain a balanced diet of pork, beef and poultry.
407. Thou art not 'scientifically herbivorous'.
408. Thou shalt not break wind on patrol.
409. Thou shalt not paint thyself blue, unless that is thine unit's colours.
410. "Flesh tone" is not a military banner colour.
411. Cardinal and gold is not merely red and yellow, heathen.
412. Thou shalt not pick thy nose on duty.
413. Thou shalt not ask if thy rations can be 'super-sized'.
414. Thou shalt not notice that Commandment 401 is missing.
415. Thou shalt not play with TNT in Salamandastron...that is Prankster101's job and he has been booted off the mountain for his actions.
416. Thou shalt not squeeze the Colonel's ear and then ask "Where's the cream filling?"
417. Thou shalt not proclaim that the grub tastes like the officer's footpaws, as thou has no clue what their footpaws taste like.
418. Thou shalt not sing badly in the Lord's ear.
419. Thou shalt not call the vermin 'cute little blighters'.
420. Thou shall not refer to your commanding officers medals as "Brag Rags."
421. Thou shall not refer to your Sergent as "Stripey."
422. If thou do either of the above mentioned thou shall be booted from the mountain.
423. If thou resist being booted from the mountain you will be placed in a barrel with a fox and booted from the mountain.
424. Thou shalt not call a vermin a "weasel" if he is not.
426. Thou shalt not taste the officers foot-paws in order to defy Commandment 417.
427. Weaselling out of things is the only thing that separates us from the vermin - except the Weasel.
428. Life as a Long Patroller is harsh - halt thy whining!
That is our Commandments, now, RETURN TO YOUR SQUAD!
Do you have what it takes to master them all?
1. Thou shalt not put a 'kick me' sign on the Badger Lord's throne.
2. Thou shalt not kick the Badger Lord should thou see a 'kick me' sign on his throne.
3. Ferrets and Weasels are not, 'cute'.
4. The tunics do not make the 'gels look fat.
5. Thou shalt not ask Redwall's Sparra, if 'Polly wanna cracker?'
6. Raising thine paws above the Badger Lord to give him ears, is not 'funny'.
7. Replacing his Lordships sword with a plastic weapon before battle, is not 'funny'.
8. Thou shalt not place an 'eat me' sign on the Commanding Officer's back prior to fighting reptiles.
9. Thou shalt not use the banner to dry thine tunics.
11. Thou shalt not burn the Badger Lord's cape on a cold night.
12. Thou shalt not tie the laces of the Badger-Lord's boots together then run away giggling.
13. Thou shalt not throw a javelin towards foxes and command them to 'fetch'.
14. Corporeal 'I.P Freely' is not enlisted; stop asking during the roll-calls.
15. Thou shalt not make 'funny noises' during parades.
16. Officers do have a sense of humour.
17. Thou shalt not remark 'Argh matey' around the Skipper with the eye-patch.
18. The GUOSIM are not 'Wee-man'.
19. Painting a rainbow over the Secret Chamber, is not 'funny'.
20. Scratching that you 'woz 'ere' in the Secret Chamber, is not 'cool'.
21. No you may not use Martin's sword to eat your food.
22. Stabbing a comrade before battle because they looked at you funny, does not count as a 'a casualty of war'.
23. 'Rat-traps' are not approved Long Patrol weapons.
24. 'Lights out' means lights out.
25. 'Leeeroooooooy Jeeeeenkins' is not a Long Patrol approved battle-cry.
26. 'A-hoo! A-hoo' is not an approved battle-cry.
27. The General is not the 'Easter Bunny'.
28. 'Eullllliaaaa' is not 'lame'.
29. Bloodwrathed Badgers and glue, do not 'mix'.
30. Thou shalt not wave a red cape in front of our Badger allies whilst they suffer the Bloodwrath.
31. Brockhall is not the gateway to 'Narnia'.
32. Thou shalt not gamble thine weapons with the enemy.
33. Thou shalt not threaten to turn Reptiles into 'purses', even if thou fully intends to see thine threat through.
34. Our arrows will not 'blot out the sun'. Nor shall we 'fight in the shade.'
35. Thou shalt not play 'murder in the dark' with captured Vermin.
36. Drill Sergeants are not 'Nigel no Friends.'
37. 'Rent-a-spears' are not legitimate practices.
38. Thou shalt not sell thine weapons to the vermin for drinking money.
39. Leaning on the GUOSIM shrews is not 'funny.'
40. Thou shalt not give shrews a 'noogie' and after the fight claim that 'he started it.'
41. The Captain's eating habits are not 'depression related'.
42. Thou shalt not sell Salamandastron on E-bay.
43. 'Stripe dogs' do not go on leashes for 'walkies'
44. Carving thine name into the local trees or wildlife is not 'funny'.
45. Redwall Abbey is not a 'cheap hotel'.
46. Tripping an Officer prior to battle is not 'funny'.
47. Thou shalt not compare the Badger Lord to 'Hitler'.
48. Thou shalt not paint a Moles digging claws whilst they sleep for 'laughs'.
49. Thou shalt not remark 'he's one of us now' if thou sees thine Lord with 'bunny-ears' behind his head.
50. Replacing the forge charcoal with black rocks, will be noticed.
51. Thou shalt not hang thine uniforms off of Hedgehogs.
52. Thou shalt not bring thine 'sack lunch' to battle.
53. 'Badger Badger Badger Mushroom, Mushroooom.' is not a Long Patrol approved musical.
54. Thou shalt not play truth-or-dare by jumping off the top of Salamandastron.
55. Thou shalt not play 'little bunny foo foo' to a field mouse.
56. Thou shalt not replace thine Badger Lord's cooling water in the forge with lamp oil.
57. Thou shalt not relieve thineself down the slopes of the mountain.
58. The Jonas Brothers music is not a recognised form of torture.
59. Thou shalt not instigate rounds of 'y'know yore a vermin when..' whilst intoxicated on ale
60. Thou shalt not 'play chicken' with the lances
61. Thou shalt not feed the rats.
62. Thou shalt not install 'mag-wheels' onto the battering ram
63. Nor shall thou install 'spinners' onto the battering ram, or 'fuzzy dice.'
64. Thou shalt eat thy rations
65. The archers are not 'merry men'.
66. Thou shalt not ignore thine elders as they recite the tales of Scooby Doo.
67. 'Gate goes up, gate goes down.' is not a Long Patrol recognised tactic in times of war.
68. The Brother-mice of Redwall are not cross-dressers.
69. Thou shalt recognise the difference between a robe and a dress.
70. Thou shalt not snicker at the previous commandment.
71. No, the 'French' will not help us against the Frogs.
72. Thou shalt not have staring contests with serpents.
73. Thou shalt not make 'cat-sounds' when the 'gels argue.
74. Thou shalt offer paw-massages to the 'gels after battle. I need not explain why.
75. Thou shalt not offer the mice a turn in the 'hamster wheel.'
76. 'A clue, a clue!' is not the code-word for an enemy attack.
77. Thou shalt not play 'toy soldiers' with the shrews.
78. Thou shalt not ask the Voles if they are, 'beeched as bro?' or 'want a chup?'
79. Sparra's are friends. Not food.
80. Thou shalt not use the reasoning 'if I can drop kick it over a fence, it has no feelings.'
81. 'Arrer-negotiations' are not a legitimate form of diplomacy.
82. The Bloodwrath are not voices in the Badger's head.
83. Thou shalt not ask if thy Lordship can hear the voices, or follow his steps repeating 'How about now?' in an attempt to drive him insane.
84. Thou shalt not do 'wheelies' with the siege tower!
85. Thou shalt not play 'leap frog' with thine toad enemy.
86. The 'gels' shalt not play 'dress up' with the shrews.
87. Thou shalt not play 'bowling for shrews'.
88. Thou shalt not put hotroot pepper in thy Badger Lord's cup or food or there shall be dire consequences.
89. Painting 'flames' on the battering rams do not make them 'go faster'
90. Thou shalt not install 'speed-holes' onto the battering ram.
91. No, you may not take the Siege tower 'for a spin'.
92. Thou shalt not talk to the GUOSIM talking stone.
93. Pink is not an officially recognised Long Patrol colour.
94. Thou shalt not refer to his majesty's forge as the 'Rave room'.
95. Thine Badger Lord's tears cannot cure cancer; stop kicking his shins to prove otherwise.
96. Thou shalt not let a Mole be the designated driver of thine battering ram.
97. Leveretts are not 'target practice'
98. Thou shalt NEVER take the Steve Irwin((RIP)) approach to reptiles; if they do not respond to external stimuli, do not attempt to poke it with a stick.
99. Thou shalt never play 'pin the tail on the Badger'.
100. Thou shalt not throw lamp-oil into the Forge just to 'see what happens'
101. Thou shalt not 'drag-race' the GUOSIM log boats down the rapids of Mossflower.
102. Thou shalt not blame the vermin hordes whence thou returns with the destroyed log boats.
103. Thou shalt not 'play chicken' with the battering rams and Siege Towers.
104. Thou shalt not leave the parades or speeches to 'go out and get a pack of cigarettes.'
105. Thou shalt not leave the Mountain to order food from Redwall.
106. Thou shalt not charge thine purchases on the Badger Lords 'tab'.
107. Thou shalt not put a bucket of water above thine Badger Lord's door.
108. Thou may not use freshly plucked hedgehog quills for darts.
109. Thou shalt not build sand castles out on the beach while on guard duty.
110. Thou shalt not 'do-si-do' with the sand crabs on break.
111. Putting sand in the Badger Lord's armour is not, 'funny'.
112. Yes, it will be noticed if you 'borrow' the Badger Lord's equipment.
113. No, you may not 'play whack-a-mole' with the Moles.
114. Thou shalt not rent advertising space on thine banners.
115. Thou shalt not install hydraulics on thine battering rams.
116. Thou shalt not use the holy relic mace; of Sunflash the Mace 'to play polo'.
117. Thou shalt not use Martin's Sword as a back-scratcher.
118. Thou shalt not offer others back-scratches with Martin's sword.
119. No, the GUOSIM log-boats are not insured; stop asking the Log-a-Log.
120. Thou shalt not ask the Drill Sergeant to use his 'inside voice' when berating thee.
121. Thou shalt not place a 'beware of the (Stripe)-dog' sign on the gates of Salamandastron.
122. Thou shalt not attempt to 'procure the good stuff' from the Infirmary.
123. Thou shalt remember that a beer-drinking hat does not make you a 'Harelord'.
124. Thou shalt not swap the salt and pepper.
125. Thou shalt not 'chug drinks' with the local Otter holt.
126. Thou shalt not ask 'Tiderunner' otters to race the tide or 'Streambattle' otters to fight the stream.
127. Thou shalt respect the large easily annoyed wildcat, and not ask if he "has been a good kitty" today.
128. Thou wilt not attempt to create a military group of vermin you've collected and name it the Fleet-footed Cowards.
129. Thou shalt not sell the plans to Redwall, Salamandastron and/or a map to Noonvale to the invading horde for "a share of the loot."
130. Thou shalt not announce in the Mess Hall that you are the new Harelord and the new regimental name is 'The Death to all Vermin Horde.'
131. Thou shalt not declare war on the local 'vermin' allies.
132. Thou shalt not hunt Slothunog armed only with a pointy stick and the assurance "I will slay you, foul reptile!"
133. Thou shalt not play 'this little piggy' with thine Badger Lord's toes while he is sleeping.
134. Thou shalt not play 'this little piggy' with thine Badger Lord's toes while he is awake either.
135. Thou shalt not use thine Badger Lord's forge to roast marshmallows.
136. Thou shalt not use thine Badger Lord's Throne as a step stool.
137. Thou shalt not 'wish I was a Punk Rocker' with flowers in thine hair.
138. Thou shalt not refer to the holy Spirit of Martin as 'The righteous dead dude.'
139. Thou shalt not ask Vermin Seers to read thine paws.
140. Thou shalt not blame Salamandastron's 'central heating' for falling asleep during parades.
141. Thou shalt not invite Bats to Karaoke Night. Ever.
142. Thou shalt not use thine lamp oil and the fires of the forge to 'get rid of those damn bats.'
143. Thou shalt not proclaim false happy hours; they are Fridays and Fridays alone.
144. Thou shalt look before thou leap.
145. Thou shalt not use Log-boats as a battering ram.
146. Contrary to the rumours spread by the Vermin hordes; Badgers cannot fly.
147. Thou shalt not test this theory by pushing thine Badger Lord off the slopes of Salamandastron.
148. Thou shalt not notice there is no 10th Commandment.
149. Thou shalt not use the Sword of Martin for chopping vegetables and/or fruit.
150. Badger Lords are stronger than you. Plan thy foolish prank around the few minutes of life thou will have left.
151. Thou shalt NOT shake a Wolverine's paw with blood on thy person.
152. Thou shalt not shave off thine commanding officer's moustache while he is asleep.
153. Thou shalt not step on the Abbots habit.
154. Thou shalt not see how well shrews can swim by pushing them out of thy boat.
155. Thou shalt not rock the boat.
156. Thou shalt not play hide-and-seek in the tunnels.
157. Thou shalt not stomp through the window gardens.
158. Clipping thine Badger Lord's whiskers while he is sleeping is not 'funny'.
159. Organizing thine 'pals' in to the formation spelling "you stink" while marching into battle is not 'funny'.
160. Thou shalt not use tickle torture on prisoners.
161. Thou shalt not instigate food-fights in the Mess Hall; that is blasphemy in the eyes of the Long Patrol.
162. Thou shalt not invite Wolverines to the annual 'Uno night'; one giant sore loser is sufficient.
163. Thou shalt not laugh at how small thine allies are.
164. Thou shalt not inspire thine allies to halt the impeding vermin hordes by 'holding hands in a line and staying put'.
165. His Lordship never 'cheats' during our annual 'Uno nights'; anyone suggesting this shall be summarily thrown off the slopes of Salamandastron.
166. Nor does he 'cheat' at our weekly 'Guess Who' competitions; halt thy whining!
167. Thou shalt not deface thine battering rams with the stickers saying 'We don't brake'.
168. Thou shalt not send the Vermin Hordes 'Trick or Treating'.
169. Thou shalt not play 'pin-the-arrow-on-the-enemy', especially when your enemy is three times larger than yourself.
170. When another creature is emotionally distraught, thou shalt not say they are having a 'Badger Lord' moment, for it is not like that.
171. Should thou call it a "Badger Lord' moment, they shalt be booted off the top of the Mountain post haste.
172. There has never and will never be A-Wear-Your-Uniform-Like-A-Toga Battle Day, so stop plotting.
173. Thou shalt not paint thy sergeant's or Badger Lord's face on thy dartboard.
174. Thou shalt not fire thy sergeant major out of the catapult.
175. "C'mon if you think you're hard enough" is not a standard military warcry.
176. Thou shalt not fire arrows at thy dartboard during pub contests.
177. Thou shalt not drink heavily before throwing thy darts.
178. Thou shalt not throw darts whilst thine Badger Lord is nearby.
179. Thou shalt certainly not disobey all three above commandments simultaneously, on pain of death.
180. Thou shalt not fill up thine Badger Lord's suggestion box with anything your heart desires or your random thoughts.
181. Thou shalt not even think of creating a mindless suggestion box.
182. Thou shalt not cover thine self in red berry juice and hide thine self in the secret chamber to see if thine Badger Lord has a sense of humor.
183. The General will not be amused if you paint a rainbow on his tunic.
184. Thou shalt not take the battering ram out on Saturdays 'to impress the gel's'
185. Thou shalt not throw thine sharpened weapons at thine Sergeant whilst crying 'THINK FAST!'
186. Thou shalt not swap thine delectable rations with the Vermin Hordes.
187. Thou shalt not shave a Wolverine whilst they sleep; it's all fun and games until the Winter comes.
188. When marching towards thy glorious battle and possible glorious death, thou shalt not ask thy Officers 'are we there yet?'
189. Thou shalt not chase Voles with a spork.
190. Thou shalt follow thy rulebook
191. Thou shalt not make up rules.
192. When ordered to charge against a Serpent, shouting 'Your on your own chaps!' and running away; is not the correct protocol.
193. Thou shalt ignore strange voices in thy head.
194. Thou shalt not comment on 'being a better shot with the longbow' then thine Badger Lord; keep it to thyself!
195. Thou shalt not steal candy from Leveretts, Dibbuns, Shrews, Voles, Mice or the Badger Lord.
196. Vermin however, are acceptable.
197. Thou shalt not use cafeteria food that you do not find appealing as projectiles to throw at the vermin.
198. 'I LIKE PIE' is not an acceptable response during roll call.
199. Thou shalt not answer that thou art not here during roll call.
200. Answering for thine companions during roll call with an insult, in order to get them in trouble is not 'funny'.
201. Thou shalt not have a staring contest with a Pine Marten. Thou will lose, if not die in the process.
202. If someone calls thee a bunny, thou shalt proceed to boot him off the mountain.
203. Once you have booted the offender off the mountain, thou shalt apologize.
204. When ye apologize, thou shalt not claim thyself to be thy Drill Sergeant 'in case he comes back for more'.
205. Redwall Abbey is not a 'haven for schizo vermin'. Anyone who insinuates as such shall be fed to the Wolverine.
206. Thou shalt not call the wolverine 'Logan' and ask how 'Professor X' is doing.
207. Thou shalt not arrange a camping trip to Mossflower Woods.
208. Just because thine arm is broken does not mean thou may ask the Badger Lord to feed you.
209. If thine arm is broken by the Bager Lord under any circumstances, thou may may not claim that thine Lordship 'owes you'.
210. Thou shalt not taunt the cheese addict. It is cruel and unusual.
211. Thou shalt not scratch out or add to any of the Commandments. It is not 'funny'.
212. Thine commanding officer has not stolen his moustaches from Hercule Poirot. Stop asking.
213. Though thine Commanding Officer bears the 'handlebar moustache', he his not secretly part of a 'biker gang'.
214. Nor is he Chopper Reid.
215. Do not feed the wolverine with thy rations.
216. Do not feed the wolverine with dead bodies, even if it is to 'clean up'.
217. Thou may not start a boxing match over the last piece of pie.
218. Thou shalt duel for it instead.
219. Thine name is not 'Chuck Norris'. Thou shalt not claim it is during roll call.
220. Thou shalt not point out how many crimes are punishable by mountain booting; he who fails to adhere to this commandment shalt be summarily kicked off the mountain.
221. No, you may not keep the Wolverine as a pet.
222. Yes, it will be discovered if you keep a Wolverine in the lower-levels of Salamandastron.
223. Thou shalt not play football with the Vermin Hordes.
224. Thou shalt not lose at football with the Vermin Hordes.
225. Thou shalt get into fights over games of pool; it matters not the rules that each side silently agreed upon at the start of the match.
226. Thou shalt not throw our lacrosse balls at the vermin, no matter how much they may hurt.
227. Thou shalt not force the vermin prisoners onto teams and make them play football for your enjoyment.
228. If thou happens to be found playing volleyball while on guard duty outside on the beach, thou shalt be punished.
229. If thou art to get into a fight over a pool game, and thou ends up breaking the sticks, thou shalt not duct tape them back together and hope no beast notices, thou must replace them immediately.
330. Thou shalt not get into and argument at the pool table with thine Badger Lord, for he is always right.
331. Thine Commanders and Badger Lord are always right.
332. Thou shalt ignore all hunches or ideas - unless suggested by thine Commander or Badger Lord, who are always right.
333. Should thou find thyself in doubt, contact thine Badger Lord or Commander. They are the ones who are always right.
334. Thou shalt not swap places with a Vermin Horde member for a day.
335. Thou shalt not test thine Badger Lord or Commander in doubt that they are not right.
336. Thou shalt not ask the vermin if they want a knuckle sandwich during battle.
337. Thou shalt not sing gory battle songs in front of beasts that you know have week stomachs.
338. Thou shalt not talk about bloody battles in the mess hall, or thou shalt be cleaning up the mess.
339. Thou shalt not ask what happened to commandments 230 to 329.
340. Thou shalt not pretend to "spoil" the fantards of whatever fandom. It is not "funny".
341. Thou shalt not point out that thine Badger Lord's whipped cream has been stolen. He is aware of this.
342. Thou shalt not claim that thou knows who stole thine Badger Lord's whipped cream. He knows who.
343. Thou shalt not steal thine Badger Lord's whipped cream once he has recovered it. To do so will be to be tied to a chair and watch as thy commanding officer eats in front of ye.
344. Thou shalt not impersonate a Commanding Officer just so thou may eat in front of the prisoners/fools who stole the whipped cream.
345. Thou shall not offer sanctuary to the whipped-cream thief, no matter how much she bribes you with said whipped cream.
346. To be caught harboring said thief is to be booted off the mountain.
347. Thou shalt not steal thine Badger Lord's glasses and replace them with googly-eyes. It is not 'funny'.
348. When thine Badger Lord is away, the hares shalt NOT play.
349. To be caught playing while thine Badger Lord is away is to be framed for stealing the whipped cream and suffer accordingly.
350. Thou may not frame an innocent for the stealing of the whipped cream for 'kicks'. It is not 'funny'.
351. To sneak into the annual Mountain Movie Night without paying is a criminal offence. To be caught doing so will be to be forced to watch Twilight. Over and over and over again.
352. Thou shalt not escape.
353. Sparrow did not throw the ball that shattered thine Badger Lord's window. Thou shalt not blame him for it.
354. If Sparrow in fact did shatter thine badger Lord's window, thou shalt not claim "I told you so".
355. Thou shalt not put ink around the black rims of thine Badger Lord's binoculars. Even if you can't see them for thine Badger Lord's head stripes, thou wilt be found out.
356. Thou shalt not put a funny face on thine Badger Lord's mirror.
357. Thou shalt not wash thine Badger Lord's reds and whites together while on washing duty.
358. Thou shalt not plaster the stairs with glue or the halls with grease.
359. If thou do any of the above thou shalt be booted off the mountain with your ears coated with red paint and the other hares will laugh at you until the paint is washed out.
360. Thou shalt not attempt to 'pants' the Commanding Officer
361. Thou shalt not step on thine smaller allies and say 'I didn't see them.'
362. Thou shalt not refer to Salamandastron as 'Mt. Doom'.
363. Thine weapons are not 'toys'.
364. Thine allies are not 'toys'.
365. Rats are not Mice 'past their use by date.'
366. Thou shalt not discipline the Leverets with the sword of Martin.
367. Thou shalt not cheat at the monthly Sand-Castle contests.
368. Thou shalt always use thine parking brake in thine Siege Towers - especially near cliffs.
369. The Forge is not a stove; lest thou want a repeat of the incident in the Summer of the 'Flamin' Bloodwrathed Badger'.
370. Thou shalt not ask thine elders of the aforementioned incident - ever.
371. Replacing the war-paint with make-up, is not 'funny'.
372. Thou shalt not remark that thine Sergeant's blush has not been applied correctly.
373. Thou shalt not sleep in thine Badger Lord's bed, for he will know.
374. Thou shalt not leave the Siege Towers on an incline ever! Even if thou did apply the parking break.
375. Thou shalt not ask thine Badger Lord if he needs help applying his war paint. The last 'culprit' was caught and immediately booted off the mountain.
376. Thou shalt learn the difference between a weasel and a ferret as thou also will learn the difference between a hare and a bunny, plus the difference between an adder and a regular snake. This is the law.
377. Thou shalt not leave the siege tower unattended, even if the parking break is on.
378. Thou shalt not play "demolition derby" with the siege tower and the battering ram.
379. Thou shalt never bring fire arrows on to the siege tower, or any flame of any kind, even if the wood is wet.
380. Thou shalt not drink October ale and then try to drive the siege tower.
381. If any beast is found drinking and driving they shalt be hence forth booted off the mountain.
382. When thou art booted off the mountain for any of the above or following reasons, thou shalt not come back until thine elders allow thee to do so.
383. If thou try to sneak past the gate guard, thou shall be allowed back only to be the kitchen eateries and be restricted to thy rations.
384. And we care not how "starvin forbidden'" thou may be.
385. Barney the Dinosaur is NOT thine 'friend'.
386. Nor is he the Badger Lord's 'friend'.
387. Thou shalt remember that 'Code Purple' is a 'Kill on Sight'
388. Barney is a Vermin.
389. The Sappers shalt not 'set us up the bomb'.
390. All thine base art belong to us.
391. Thou shalt not power the battering rams via Leveret labour - it is cruel and unusual.
392. Thou shalt not pour 'Kool-Aid' into hatches of the battering rams whilst making the remark 'The leverets get thirsty y'know?'
393. There hast not and never wilt be, a 'Rave night'.
394. Thou shalt not make 'your mom' jokes in front of thine female commanding officer.
395. Thou shalt not tease thine Commanding Officer by pointing and saying 'Look sir - vermin chaps.'
396. Ferrets are not 'terminators in disguise'.
397. Thou shalt beware of strange noises in thine Siege Tower
398. Thou shalt not reveal the location of the keys to Salmandastron - under the pot-plant to the left side of the gate.
399. Thou shalt water his Lordships pot-plant every two days
400. Thou shalt not return books late
402. If thou break the Long Patrol Commandments more than three times, thou shalt be tied to a chair while your fellows eat dinner in front of thou, and then thou shalt be booted off the mountain.
403. Upon the fourth offense to the Commandments, thou shalt be tied to a chair in the kitchens and thou shalt watch the cooks prepare, serve, and eat a feast before thou gets booted off the mountain.
404. Shrew warriors are not, 'cute'.
405. Thou shalt not wipe thy nose with thy tablecloth.
406. Thou shalt maintain a balanced diet of pork, beef and poultry.
407. Thou art not 'scientifically herbivorous'.
408. Thou shalt not break wind on patrol.
409. Thou shalt not paint thyself blue, unless that is thine unit's colours.
410. "Flesh tone" is not a military banner colour.
411. Cardinal and gold is not merely red and yellow, heathen.
412. Thou shalt not pick thy nose on duty.
413. Thou shalt not ask if thy rations can be 'super-sized'.
414. Thou shalt not notice that Commandment 401 is missing.
415. Thou shalt not play with TNT in Salamandastron...that is Prankster101's job and he has been booted off the mountain for his actions.
416. Thou shalt not squeeze the Colonel's ear and then ask "Where's the cream filling?"
417. Thou shalt not proclaim that the grub tastes like the officer's footpaws, as thou has no clue what their footpaws taste like.
418. Thou shalt not sing badly in the Lord's ear.
419. Thou shalt not call the vermin 'cute little blighters'.
420. Thou shall not refer to your commanding officers medals as "Brag Rags."
421. Thou shall not refer to your Sergent as "Stripey."
422. If thou do either of the above mentioned thou shall be booted from the mountain.
423. If thou resist being booted from the mountain you will be placed in a barrel with a fox and booted from the mountain.
424. Thou shalt not call a vermin a "weasel" if he is not.
426. Thou shalt not taste the officers foot-paws in order to defy Commandment 417.
427. Weaselling out of things is the only thing that separates us from the vermin - except the Weasel.
428. Life as a Long Patroller is harsh - halt thy whining!
That is our Commandments, now, RETURN TO YOUR SQUAD!
; after nearly a hundred commandments =].
