Alodose of Redwall [WIP]

[striver]

,//, Alodose ,//,

[Basics]
| Gender: Male | Birthday: Late Winter | Age: 24 |
| Allegiance: Redwall | Role: Potential future Infirmary Keeper(?) |

[Relations]
Mother - unknown name - black rat - gypsy - deceased
Mentor - Stone - Hedgehog - Traveler - unknown whereabouts
Friend - Blood-beak - Finch - Adventurer/Warrior - deceased

[Appearance]
| Species: Black Rat |
| Gaze: His large golden eyes are bright and sharp with intelligence, holding a sly cunning glint which his species often has. His eyes are slightly rimmed with white fur making them stand out more. He always seems to have a searching glance though he also seem to be hiding something as well within the depths of his gaze. |
| Built: This black rat is of average size among his kind, though he is a beat leaner then most. He is larger then mice but not as large as other rats. Despite his light weight, he has a strong sturdy built, with long limbs and large paws, each with their own set of sharp claws. He has little visible muscle or fat, and almost appears to be mostly skin and bones. |
| Hide: His dull black fur is shaggy and a bit rough, possibly due to his poor grooming. Since he doesn't take much care of his appearance, he often has dust, bark, dirt and a variety of other things stuck to his scraggly pelt. His skin is taut and thick, strengthened by scars and his early years of hardship while traveling through the mountains. His paws and tails are hairless. |
| Flaws: His skin bares many scars, which causes his fur to grow unevenly, giving him a gruff appearance. Only one scar is visibly noticeable, and that is the one at his left hindquarters; a large jagged scar. His ears have many nicks and cuts and his whiskers are a bit tattered. |
| Cloths: A dark brown, sleeveless shirt hangs loosely over his torso; it almost covers up a brown belt which has many silver loops attached to it, some of them carry pouches. He will often be seen with a long hooded dark green robe, which he usually wears when the weather is poor and cold. |
| Portrayed: His long scared muzzle ends with a small black nose, with long tattered whiskers on either side and a few sharp fangs peek out from under his lips; this along with his large thin tattered ears and ragged pelt makes him appear as if he was chewed up and spat out again. His head is small and narrow, with a face covered in scar tissue, making the fur messy, and giving him a bit of an intimidating look. His whip-like tail is very long, easily out stretching the length of his entire body. |

| Possessions: Alodose always wears a brown leather belt with many silver loops, which often has pouches attached; his pouches generally carry materials he uses for healing, along with a few parchments of his notes, but they something carry a snack, or weapons, or tools. He also is never seen without his necklace, which has feathers tightly tied at the end, with a couple of vibrant blue beads on either side; this was a treasured item belonging to Blood-beak, with her own feathers. His weapon of choice is a sturdy staff carved and given to him by his mentor, Stone; he usually brings it with him everywhere. He has a single piercing on his right ear; a small silver ring. |

[Mindset]
| Generally: The way he lurks around and examines things comes off as more suspicious and he usually appears as if he is plotting or scheming something. He shows a tender and more careful side of himself when dealing with plants, but to other creatures he comes across as being cold. |
| Beliefs: |
| Habits: He likes to cling to the shadows and avoids looking at anyone in the eye. |
| Morals: |
| Sleeping: |
| Interacting: He will often appear angry and short tempered to others if they get too near his things or his room, even snappy and pushy at times, but ordinarily he is calm and easy going; appearing as if nothing will phase him. He seems introverted because he's so quiet and distant but he actually likes being near others, so long as he doesn't have to interact directly with them. |
| Calm State: |
| Dire State: |
| Facing Foes: He may come off as rude and intimidating, this is because he is untrusting of strangers. |
| Among Friends: This introverted beast, doesn't usually make friends. When around anyone he cares about he is generally very quiet but more likely to open up and show a bit of his real self. He is loyal and devoted to his companions. He is usually quiet because he is shy and afraid to get close to others. |
| Hidden Self: He tries to distant himself from others and so no one usually sees what an adventurous streak he has or how powerful his curiosity is; he shows a great curiosity of things, such as the structure of Redwall and plants and many other things. |


[Attributes]
| Fears: He fears being underground or in water, as he is terrible at both digging and swimming; if he is below ground or in a situation when he'll have to swim, he will panic. |
| Achilles: |
| Abilities: He is a very talented climber and he prides himself in such skills; he can scale anything with ease and is quite agile even at great heights. His knack for herbs and remedies is a talent he nurtured since his early years; he's finely tuned his knowledge and senses to deal with all sorts of healing methods. He's also very stealthy... |
| Strengths: |
| Weakness': |
| Battle Style: |
| Environmental Effect: |
| Weather/Season Effect: A drastic change in the weather affects him greatly and usually leaves him vulnerable; from being less mobile and disoriented to getting sick very easily. |
| General: |

[History]
With a father of unknown origins and a traveling mother, Alodose had no real place to call his homeland, though he could say with confidence that he was born in the mountains. His mother was a con or a gypsy as some called her; she would often seek out beasts in need of help and although she did in fact help them she also robbed them blind. She never spoke much to her child, so Alodose never knew her name nor his own. He learned little from her verbally, so he became skillful at reading body language and catching even the smallest of gestures. He learned how to steal and how to horde, he also picked up several of his mother's survival techniques as well as herbal remedies. She didn't show her son much affection but it was clear that she still cared very much for him, as she would often put her own life at risk to keep her son safe from harm.
One day, when Alodose was still very young, he and his mother stopped for a rest near the side of a river. Before they set up for the night a hoard of furious beasts attacked them; enraged that the wandering rats had robbed them. Alodose watched as his mother fought bravely and skillfully, but she was clearly outmatched and there was nothing they could do. His mother ordered him to flee and even bit him to force him to comply to her words; leaving a scar on his left hindquarters. The last thing Alodose saw of his mother was her sleek form being overpowered by the other beasts.
For seasons he wandered alone, barely surviving with the skills he learned from his mother, until he fell at the paw-steps of another traveler; a hedgehog. He called himself Stone and he seemed to put it upon himself to raise the lost rat and help him survive; it was Stone who named Alodose. He claimed it was the name of a great Warrior of legend, long before their time. Stone taught him skills that was quickly added onto what his mother had taught him; he often would combine the knowledge and use them as a foundation to form talents of his own. Stone told him that he was a solitary beast by nature and that though he cared for Alodose, that he felt they had to go their separate ways, now that he was able to defend himself.
Crestfallen and disheartened, Alodose set for the east and soon found his way out of the mountains and into a new world of forests different then any he had known before. He found himself in similar enough terrain to be able to learn and adapt quickly though and he soon met with another traveling companion; a finch, who called herself Blood-beak. They shared many things and Alodose told Blood-beak of his past and the two quickly became close friends. They set upon a bit of an adventure, so that they may discover what their destinies were... but sadly it was not meant to be. Blood-beak and Alodose got caught in a horrific battle with some ravens and she was horribly injured. Before she died she told Alodose of a place called Redwall; she wished him to go there, where he wouldn't get hurt again.
Alodose was broken hearted and too depressed to even eat, but he followed his dying friend's wishes and journeyed to Redwall. He was near death when he collapsed at their gates. They warily took him in and nursed him back to health. He is healed now but he wishes to stay and he hopes to prove himself worthy to live among the Redwallers any way he can; though his intentions are still unclear to anyone.

[Other]
| Voice: |
| Scent: |
| Name Origin: |
| Theme Songs: TBA |
| Side Notes: I would like to add onto his profile as his character develops through RP if that is okay. |

[Rausaro]

Ok, so here are some things I noted:

In appearance, you noted that he is 105 grams. Official artwork for the books, as well as supplemental material show creatures between 3~6 feet tall, scaled next to trees. That would make him incredibly tiny. Also, keep in mind that he sounds and apparently behaves more like a Corsair or Vermin member than

In possessions, you note he is wearing a leather belt...Leather is animal hide. You can handwave it, as it can be obtained in universe from sharks, but keep that in mind.

Personality: This was probably the hardest to go through. The descriptions contradict each other. He doesn't "make friends/is quiet", yet he comes across "as rude and intimidating". Apparently he is "Shy", yet appears "Angry and short tempered." He is "easy going and not much phases him" yet is "Snappy and Pushy". It is very difficult to see his personality as a result of this. A clearer outline of the personality is critical.

For weaknesses, could you explain why bad weather is a weakness to him, considering he is only 24? Also, I wouldn't consider a lack of skill in digging a serious weakness in Redwall life; the fear of water is more reasonable.

Finally, I would argue that by protecting his life his mother was indeed showing Alodose affection.

Overall, you just need to adjust the character details to be more consistent. I hope this helps.

[striver]

Well when I mentioned his size and weight, I was going by his species, since I was always confused by the books and series and such about this matter (along with others). And I want him to come across as "vermin" due to his species; especially considering his species, I hope that's okay.
I was wondering about the whole leather belt thing. I had my suspicions and I'm glad you confirmed them. I'll change it.
As for personality: I was worried it wouldn't be clear. The problem I think is that I kept jumping back and forth between 'how he really is' and 'how he comes across as'; I was aiming for him to come across as something much different then he really is. I'll work on it and change it, to make it more understandable.
I'll fix and modify the weaknesses to make them better.
And in his history I simply mentioned that his mother never really showed affection, though she actually did love him, but I guess that I didn't make it very clear. I'll fix the history.
Thanks for your critiques! Very helpful. I think I was just too eager to get his profile done and ended up all over the place. I'll edit when I get the chance and let you know when I'm done!