Side Effects ((OPEN!))

[.:Fawn:.]

YEAAARGH!

A quick whirl of pillows and covers, a bit of arm flailing, and an overwhelming sense of panic snapped him out of the horrible throes of a nightmare, Koa's little chest heaving as he sat up, pale as a ghost. The otterbabe rubbed at his neck, tears threatening to spill over onto his twisted sheets as the terrifying sensation of a rope around his throat returned to him, though admittedly far less vivid than his nightmares of it had been. Whimpering, Koa reached for the covers, rolled onto his stomach and pulled them up over his head, as though trying to hide from anything that could possibly cause him harm. The other dibbuns, fortunately, were heavy sleepers, and Koa's yell of terror had not startled them awake -- this was both good and bad, however, as a sense of loneliness sank in through the sheets, making him shiver.
He'd give anything to have someone here -- someone nearby who might be able to help with these nightmares -- Cross, Skipper, even Freya! Shivering a bit more than was necessary on a mildly cool night, the otterbabe slipped out from beneath the covers, his eyes holding a slightly haunted look at his footpaws touched the cool flooring. He just had to find someone, he couldn't sleep, didn't WANT to sleep in the dormitories, it just didn't feel safe to the otterbabe anymore.

Craving the strength and security he felt when around adults, Koa pulled the sheet off his bed, wrapped it around himself and exited the dormitories, the pat-patter-pat of his feet echoing out in the hall. Geez...he hadn't noticed just how creepy Redwall could be at nighttime... Then again, he hadn't ever been so afraid of sleeping...or ropes. Just about anything was going to seem a little frightening to him right now. Despite being only 5 years old, he'd had more adventures than all the dibbuns put together, and his were probably a lot more terrifying than any of theirs. When they were older, they'd realize that getting attacked by an eagle and saved by Cross wasn't something to be envious of.
For one thing, the side effects weren't pleasant.

[Cross]

Koa wasn't the only one suffering from nightmares. Cross lay sprawled in his new dormitory bed, breathing hard, his eyes shut tightly as horrible memories crashed behind his closed eyes. The spear . . . the rat . . . his father . . . All of it was a familiar torture his mind put him through on pretty much a nightly basis. His eyes shot open with a start, and he tried to get control of his breathing.

Even though his chest rose and fell so hard, he was more or less silent. He'd learned to be as quiet as possible with his emotions during his long years of running away. Recently, though, here at Redwall, he'd lost the reins to his own feelings. He was growing . . . attached to this place, and the creatures within. He'd even fallen in love. How could he do this to himself? Do this to the kind creatures of Redwall? They didn't need an otter like him to be hanging around.

And yet, he couldn't run away like he had always done. He wanted to stop running, but then that only hurt others around him. If they knew . . . He inhaled deeply, softly, so as not to wake the other beasts in the room he shared. And then he swung his legs over the side of the bed, silently leaving the room in search of solitude. Why did his past torment him so?

He took the stairs down into Great Hall. It was dimly lit by the icy, colorful squares of moonlight shining through the stained-glass windows. The big sea otter stopped in front of the tapestry of Martin the warrior. Placing his paw on the intricate weave, Cross clearly recalled the riddle the mouse had given him. But it didn't matter, anymore. Cross couldn't stay here. He would only hurt these creatures.

"I'm sorry," he whispered brokenly to the courageous mouse in the tapestry. "I should not have come here." He dropped his paw, trying desperately to control his emotions. He was once so good at it, but now he struggled. It was probably just his fatigue from lack of sleep, but he just couldn't . . . He wasn't himself, anymore.

It was then he finally sensed the presence of another. Turning to face the rest of the hall, he noticed a small figure making its way across the stone floors. He saw the familiar face of his little brother, and immediately headed towards the lad. "Koa?" he whispered, kneeling down in front of the babe. "Koa, are you alright?" A distraction from his inner conflict was welcome. He was starting to scare himself with how . . . self-focused he'd become.

[.:Fawn:.]

"Koa?" he whispered, kneeling down in front of the babe. "Koa, are you alright?" A distraction from his inner conflict was welcome. He was starting to scare himself with how . . . self-focused he'd become.

When he'd saw the tall, dark shape moving towards him in the dimly lit Great Hall, the otterbabe and instantly shrank back, falling back on his rudder with an alarmed squeak -- leaning as far away from the looming figure as he could. "Koa?" The shape had said, and, trembling a little, the otterbabe rubbed his tired eyes, identifying the speaker to be none other than Cross. The babe heaved an audible sigh of relief. It was only Cross. He need not be so...worried. The ottercub moved to Cross's left side, resting his head on the older otter's shoulder, and shivered. It was odd, considering he was wrapped in a very nice thick sheet, the idea that he was shivering from the cold was...certainly not likely. No, something else was bothering him, any beast with half a brain could see that. Why else would he be hanging off Cross, dark circles beneath his eyes, as though all the joy in his life has been sucked out of him?

"Hey mate, yore lookin' a little green around the gills, if ye don't mind me sayin' so."

Koa's attention was immediately snagged by an older sea otter walking towards them, Skipper flashing both Cross and Koa a reassuring smile. The otterbabe immediately moved from Cross's side to Skipper's -- the reassurance of a fatherly figure trumping the concern of an older brother at the moment, besides, Koa was all too aware of what happened when he was near Cross. One of them got hurt. To reduce possible damage to either of them, the otterbabe stuck close to Skipper, the lantern in the older otter's paw illuminating the cub's haunted expression. Setting the lantern down, Skipper, who was also known as "Redwave" (thanks to a horrific burn mark that stretches almost from shoulderblade to shoulderblade, and stops a few inches before his waist), scooped up Koa, a worried look crossing his features.
Holding the otterbabe against his hip, Skipper extended a large paw towards Cross.
"The name's Tynan Spraydog, you can call me Ty, or Skip -- practically everyone does."

Recognizing Cross to be the otter he'd heard of but hadn't met (he'd been away on personal business at the Green Isle visiting family and such), but the stories had reached his ears none the less, and thus Skipper was cordial, grateful even, considering Cross's heroic rescue of the otterbabe. "What's 'appened to this little fella? Last time I saw 'im, he was happy as a clam drawin' pictures and singing songs about sea monsters or puddles -- or both." Koa, who felt much safer being off the ground and in someone's arms, fell asleep instantly -- but this respite was short lived, for the otterbabe suddenly jerked awake, looking wild-eyed around himself as though in search of something.
The Skipper's eyebrows raised.

What the heck happened while he was gone?

(( xD sorry, I don't mean to play favorites, but Koa has known Skipper his whole life, and it wouldn't make sense if he were to suddenly pick Cross over Skipper, in this instance. lol. Besides, Koa's convinced he's bad luck and that he'll get Cross into danger if he's near him.))

[Cross]

Cross was concerned for Koa, but he couldn't resist a small smile as the little otter hurried up to the Skipper. The sea otter didn't mind if Koa had decided he could find more comfort in a more fatherly figure. As long as the babe was calm. Cross stood as the Skipper introduced himself.

"The name's Tynan Spraydog, you can call me Ty, or Skip -- practically everyone does."

Cross took the proffered paw. "My name is Cross," he replied simply. Though it was nice to meet the Skipper, his concern was more for Koa. The babe was not acting like himself at all. Had he been plagued with nightmares, too? Cross vaguely remembered his own paralyzing fear when his recurring nightmares had first begun. He understood how Koa felt.

"What's 'appened to this little fella? Last time I saw 'im, he was happy as a clam drawin' pictures and singing songs about sea monsters or puddles -- or both."

"I do not know," Cross said, equally puzzled. "He may have had a bad dream." Suddenly, he was hit with a thought. Koa was probably traumatized from the falcon attack and the vermin gang. Oh, gods, and now the poor thing was scared and weary after it all. Those things were far more than merely bad dreams.

"Perhaps he . . ." he didn't want to mention the vermin gang. Skipper and Thorsten were close friends and Freya didn't want word of the vermin leaking. "He may still remember when I was wounded." No doubt Ty had heard the story. "It was . . . not a pleasant sight."

[.:Fawn:.]

"Perhaps he . . ." he didn't want to mention the vermin gang. Skipper and Thorsten were close friends and Freya didn't want word of the vermin leaking. "He may still remember when I was wounded." No doubt Ty had heard the story. "It was . . . not a pleasant sight."

Skipper's brow knit together, the sea otter's expression showing the utmost concern for the little babe in his arms. Koa, who had been half-listening, kept nodding off every few seconds, but would jerk back awake, as though he were waiting, watching for something and didn't want to fall asleep before he saw it. Head tilting to the side a bit, Skipper softly stroked the otterbabe's head, feeling him nuzzle against his shoulder with an exhausted sigh. "Mayhaps that's it." Directing his words to Koa this time, the Skipper's voice was a soft, comforting murmur. "What's wrong mate? Frightened of falcons? I can promise you this, Koa. They can't 'urt you in here -- and besides, ol' Skip is here to make sure nothin' 'urts ya."

Koa glanced at Cross apologetically, though not for the reasons the older sea otter would think. Koa felt bad that horrible things seemed to keep happening around him, and it was with that in mind that his words came out a stuttering murmur. "M-My-My t-t-thr-throat." Skipper smiled softly, adjusting the otter babe in his arms so he could see him properly. "What's up with your throat, mate? Sore? Got a frog stuck in it?" The otterbabe shook his head, tilting his chin up to timidly expose his throat. Skipper frowned.
"Hey Cross -- does that look like a rope burn to you? Maybe I'm just seein' things, could be nothin' more'n a scratch."

[Cross]

"Hey Cross -- does that look like a rope burn to you? Maybe I'm just seein' things, could be nothin' more'n a scratch."

Cross took a step closer. He knew full well what was hurting Koa. After all, he'd been there. Gently rubbing Koa's shoulder, the big sea otter nodded in response to Ty's question. He didn't even need to look at the wound. He didn't want to, for fear he may remember that day all too vividly. It hadn't been Koa's fault, and Cross hadn't wanted him to get hurt.

"Aye," the silvery otter murmured, his good eye focused on Koa. He didn't want to lie to Ty, nor keep Koa from feeling better. But he remembered his promise to Freya. If her father found out about this, Thorsten might just kick Cross out of Redwall himself. The big sea otter already had more than his fair share of secrets. What was one more?

But, he found himself torn suddenly. Gods, he was too tired for this. Koa was frightened and hurting from the vermin gang attack. Freya wanted to keep this hidden, in case her father blamed Cross for the incident. And Cross didn't know who was more important to him: Freya or his little brother Koa.

He couldn't decide if it was best not to say anything, but, "He may have . . . gotten hurt while outside the other day." That was pathetic, but it wasn't a lie. Cross didn't want to directly lie about this.

[.:Fawn:.]

He couldn't decide if it was best not to say anything, but, "He may have . . . gotten hurt while outside the other day." That was pathetic, but it wasn't a lie. Cross didn't want to directly lie about this.

Skipper watched Cross's concerned expression, listening to the hesitation -- or perhaps puzzlement in his tone? Whatever it was, Skipper would never know. "Ah well, let's get 'im somethin' warm ter drink and then send the little scamp off to bed, eh? Sound nice? I could do with a bit o' warm cidar myself." Koa, at the mention of apple cidar, perked up a bit, and Skipper grinned, catching the faintest of smiles on the otterbabe's otherwise utterly forlorn face. "Eeaay, I saw that. Don't you dare pretend you ain't the least bit excited about it." Koa let out a few soft sounds of laughter, the Skipper's big ol' paw tickling him -- not too much, of course, lest the babe start waking up others.
Then he'd have to give hot apple cider to all of them too!

Heading in the direction of the kitchens, Skipper glanced over his shoulder and gave a small jerk of his head, a friendly gesture for Cross to follow him. After all, who'd miss a chance at an utterly open kitchen? Though Skipper was no great cook, he was at least well versed in the ability to heat things up in a tea kettles or a pan.
"So what's got you up, m'bucko? A bit of insomnia or just the usual prophetic dream from good ol' Martin?" The sea otter chuckled at the last portion of his question, as though dreams from Martin the Warrior were not all together unusual here. "Couldn't help but notice you were starin' at that tapestry just a bit. Of course, all conversations between a creature and Martin is between them'n'him, so feel free to ignore me if you don't feel like sharing."

Skipper himself had not been blessed with a prophecy from Martin or a reassuring dream, so it hadn't occurred to him until later that somebeasts might not want to talk about theirs. It seemed like an awfully private thing, having a conversation with Martin. From what he gleaned from others who felt free to speak of their encounters, Martin was certainly a guiding spirit who knew all -- from lost relatives to the answers to seemingly unsolveable problems, the armor-clad mouse knew it all. And sometimes he just seemed to be there for you, when you were lost or hurt or frightened. Interesting guy, our Martin. Skipper could only hope that when the time came where he would be needing some guidance, good old Martin would be there to rest a paw on his shoulder and show him the right way.

[Cross]

Cross smiled in relief when Koa showed signs of perking up. The silvery otter hated to see his little brother so worn-looking. He followed Ty into the kitchens. He wasn't sure what cider was, but he knew he would have to try some.

"So what's got you up, m'bucko? A bit of insomnia or just the usual prophetic dream from good ol' Martin?" The sea otter chuckled at the last portion of his question, as though dreams from Martin the Warrior were not all together unusual here. "Couldn't help but notice you were starin' at that tapestry just a bit. Of course, all conversations between a creature and Martin is between them'n'him, so feel free to ignore me if you don't feel like sharing."

"Oh, you saw that," Cross murmured, a little embarrassed. He sighed, leaning back against a counter. "I . . . could not sleep. But Martin did not speak to me. I was just . . ." He rubbed his neck, searching for the right words. "Thanking him for his kindness, and the kindness of the creatures here."

No, I was apologizing for bringing myself here. I can't stay here and pretend I won't hurt anybeast. I've already hurt Koa. Cross rubbed his eyes. Why hadn't he just left when his wounds healed? Bt then he would have hurt Koa, anyway, by leaving him. And hurting himself, no doubt. Why was he acting so stupid? So . . . sentimental? Was it because he missed his family? Well, he couldn't very well go back to them.

[.:Fawn:.]

"Oh, you saw that," Cross murmured, a little embarrassed. He sighed, leaning back against a counter. "I . . . could not sleep. But Martin did not speak to me. I was just . . ." He rubbed his neck, searching for the right words. "Thanking him for his kindness, and the kindness of the creatures here."

The skipper of otters nodded his head in agreement, pleased to hear the otter was so respectful, especially since he had grown up outside of Redwall and the legends of Martin the Warrior. "Aye, can you take 'im for a tick? Gotta get the kettle on." Tynan gently handed Koa over to Cross, the otterbabe instantly yawning and hugging him simultaneously, his affection for his big brother battling his exhaustion. The Skipper whistled a low, soft tune as he lit a lantern and then a fire, pouring a sweet-smelling liquid into a tea kettle before setting it over the flames, making a pot for two otters, a cub and more than enough should any other creature sneaking about try to join them.

Leaning back with his paws pressed against the counter, Skipper stared into the flames for a little bit, his gaze shifting over to Koa, who seemed to be doing much better now that he had Cross and Tynan for company. "Been Enjoyin' yore time here at Redwall, Cross?" inquired the sea otter, his friendly gaze inviting the wavedog to speak up or help strike up a conversation. Koa had busied himself with examining the ring around Cross's neck, looking at it curiously as it glinted in the light from the flames.
It certainly wasn't seaglass, like his own pendent, but it was very nice. Then again, the otterbabe had a bit of an interest in shiny things...

[Cross]

"Aye, can you take 'im for a tick? Gotta get the kettle on." Tynan gently handed Koa over to Cross, the otterbabe instantly yawning and hugging him simultaneously, his affection for his big brother battling his exhaustion.

Cross smiled as he took Koa into his arms. His mind went back to that first day . . . how long had it been? . . . when he'd first met Koa. It had started on that day. Maybe if he'd just taken Koa back to the abbey and been on his way, he could have avoided all this. But then . . . he would have missed the chance to become Koa's big brother. Nothing was worth losing that.

But you're lying to him, Cross thought. You're hiding everything from him. Everything! Cross shut his eyes tight, placing his snout on the top of the babe's head. Siblings didn't hide things from each other. The sweet, cream-colored face filled his mind's eye again, smiling like she always was. If she was who Cross thought she was, he had also hidden everything from her, and from the rest of his family.

Cross took in a shaky sigh, wiping his eyes with his free paw. "Skipper," he murmured. "Have you . . . ever done something you regret?"

((Cross is tired, expect lots of cliche sadness, lol))

[.:Fawn:.]

Cross took in a shaky sigh, wiping his eyes with his free paw. "Skipper," he murmured. "Have you . . . ever done something you regret?"

The sea-otter's question hit Skip like a bolt of lightning. Of all the questions to ask me, mate, why'd you have to pick that one? Glancing at the tea kettle, for a moment Skipper studied his own reflection gleaming back at him, his features curving thanks to the roundness of the tea kettle's middle. "Aye, that I have." The older otter turned his dark brown eyes upon Cross, observing Redwall's newest inhabitant curiously, noticing how something seemed to be weighing heavily upon the otter's conscience. Glancing quickly to the otterbabe, the Skipper felt his heartbeat return to normal, noticing that Koa had indeed fallen asleep in Cross's arms -- though for how long, he couldn't tell. The little boy was likely to be awake in another second/minute or so.
A flicker of sadness flitted across Tynan's face, but it was gone once he looked away to stare over at Cross once more.
"You sound like you want to get something off yer chest. Is that the case, mate? I'm all ears if you need someone to listen."

Tynan honestly was. However, he was a bit of a hypocrite himself. YES there was something he regreted in his life, but it wasn't anything he could bring himself to confess... Especially when it involved the frightened otterbabe in Cross's arms.
Brought back down to earth by the sudden whistle of the tea kettle, Skipper smiled and took the pot off the flames, where he'd set aside three mugs for the piping hot, sweet-smelling cider. "It's a bit 'ot right now, so you'll have to wait a bit, m'bucko, lest you burn all the fur off yore face!" Skipper winked at the wide-eyed otterbabe as though this were an entirely possible thing, and Koa, glanced at the now filled mugs with immediate curiosity.
Could he really burn the fur off his face if he tried to drink it now? Reaching out from Cross's strong arms to swipe the nearest cup, the Skipper nudged it out of reach with a chuckle.
"I see wot yore doin', Koa, and it ain't gonna work."

Koa stuck his tongue out at him, but giggled when Skipper immaturely returned the gesture, adding a cross-eyed look.
It was easy to see why the otterbabe had taken to Skip so easily. He was quite a kind-hearted sea otter, very easy to get along with.

[Cross]

"You sound like you want to get something off yer chest. Is that the case, mate? I'm all ears if you need someone to listen."

Cross grimaced, unable to look Skipper in the eye. Get it off his chest? His greatest secret? To this complete stranger? No, Ty didn't need to know, and of course, neither did Koa. Cross had only wondered if he was alone in keeping such secrets. Such regrets.

"Thank you," the silvery otter replied, glancing down at the steaming mugs. And he didn't really know what to say after that. Part of him wanted to scream, I killed my father! I can't be near such kind beasts as you! Redwall has been too kind to a murderer like me! But the rest of him knew that silence was best. Besides, how would Koa react after finding out that his big brother had murdered his own father?

Still, Cross felt as if he had to drag his feet every day because of the weight on his shoulders. Perhaps he could ask for a bit of advice? "What do you do, then?" he asked, earnestly seeking an answer. "Do you run? Or do you face it?" He let out a sigh, trying to control himself. "I . . . have been running for years, now. And I cannot help but wonder if I can stop now."

((Gods, Cross, you're so emo!))

[.:Fawn:.]

Still, Cross felt as if he had to drag his feet every day because of the weight on his shoulders. Perhaps he could ask for a bit of advice? "What do you do, then?" he asked, earnestly seeking an answer. "Do you run? Or do you face it?" He let out a sigh, trying to control himself. "I . . . have been running for years, now. And I cannot help but wonder if I can stop now."

"Aye," said Skip after a few minutes, the dying flames flickering in his dark eyes. It was when Koa turned to look at him, just as curious as Cross was about the question the sea-otter had asked him, that Skipper's smile slipped a little. Koa honestly was curious too as to why his big brother seemed to be...uneasy all of a sudden. Didn't he like Redwall Abbey? Didn't he like living here? Koa thought he liked Freya a lot, but he wasn't really sure about that one... Cross liked him too, didn't he? He acted like he did. The otterbabe truthfully was unable to detect any falseness in Cross's behavior whenever they hung out together -- even if they did end up in some sticky situations.

The Skipper of Otters was in a bit of a pickle. To be honest with himself, Skipper never told a soul of his greatest regret in life, and it was something other beasts wouldn't really care about. There were only two creatures involved that it could possibly matter to. One of them was sitting in Cross's arms even as they spoke. Koa was far too young to know anything just yet, and the Skipper selfishly did not want to ruin the otterbabe's opinion of him. He didn't want to plunge himself into darkness when Koa saw him in such a wonderful, almost fatherly light... Even if he had no right to consider himself the boy's substitute father. Skipper had not run from his regrets exactly, but he hadn't owned up to them yet. Koa's age was both a reason and an excuse to keep his mouth shut tight. If given the opportunity to tell him everything, perhaps several years down the road, could he take that chance?
Yes. Tynan thought. By that time, he will have become a better person than he is now, the kind of person who owns up to his regrets and mistakes, and does his absolute best to do right by his friends and neighbors alike.

The Skipper looked over at Cross thoughtfully. "Keep runnin' and you'll die tired, it's what my ol' pops used to say to me whenever I was in trouble with somebeast or did something I wasn't proud of." The sea otter gave a small chuckle. "of course, he may've meant it as a threat, but now that I look back on it... He might've meant to teach me that running away from things wasn't going to fix anything, just wear me out even further." Tynan, feeling much sympathy for his younger kinbeast, reached over and gave Cross's shoulder a comforting squeeze.
"Here's as good a place as any to stop yer runnin', mate. You're in a place where creatures tend to accept you no matter what mistakes you've made -- hell, I've even see ol' Father Abbot be acceptin' of some vermin. Just take it one day at a time, and when you feel like talkin' about it, there's always somebeast 'round here willin' to listen." Trying to be as encouraging as possible towards Cross potentially facing his demons, the Skipper smiled, making good on his promise of hot apple cider.
"Here's yore mug, Koa. Don't go gulpin' it down in one go."

Koa, now with the warm mug in his paws, finally relaxed, swallowing the sweet cider with obvious joy, easily tuning out of the conversation at hand.

[Cross]

"Keep runnin' and you'll die tired, it's what my ol' pops used to say to me whenever I was in trouble with somebeast or did something I wasn't proud of." The sea otter gave a small chuckle. "of course, he may've meant it as a threat, but now that I look back on it... He might've meant to teach me that running away from things wasn't going to fix anything, just wear me out even further."

A death cannot be fixed so easily, Cross thought bitterly, reaching for a mug of cider. But he didn't say anything. He couldn't. Not in front of Koa. The otter babe would hate him, and so would Ty.

"Here's as good a place as any to stop yer runnin', mate. You're in a place where creatures tend to accept you no matter what mistakes you've made -- hell, I've even see ol' Father Abbot be acceptin' of some vermin. Just take it one day at a time, and when you feel like talkin' about it, there's always somebeast 'round here willin' to listen."

But what if you've killed your father? Can even Redwall accept a beast like that? In Cross's mind, he was worse than the spineless vermin bullies roving the wilderness. His thoughts went back to Martin. The dream of the warrior mouse on the shoreline, boring into him with those piercing eyes. Taking hold of Cross's big paw . . . Did Martin know? Had Martin seen the otter's past in those breathtaking moments?

"Thank you, Tynan," Cross murmured, getting Koa comfortable in his arms. "As much as I want to face this . . . I cannot. And I do not know if I will ever be able to. So perhaps I will die tired, but I have been tired for so long that . . . I do not think I will know the difference." He didn't know how long it'd been since he ran away, but it felt like three lifetimes. There were few things he wanted more than the security to be able to stop running. But he couldn't.

[.:Fawn:.]

"Thank you, Tynan," Cross murmured, getting Koa comfortable in his arms. "As much as I want to face this . . . I cannot. And I do not know if I will ever be able to. So perhaps I will die tired, but I have been tired for so long that . . . I do not think I will know the difference."

Cross's words made Skipper eye him curiously. "I don't know if this is the case, Cross, but you're speaking like a guilty warrior." Tynan took a sip from his hot cider, sticking his tongue out at Koa who was making bubbles in his own cider. "I've seen it happen a lot in my own crew sometimes -- an honorable creature feels remorse for the lives they've taken, and it wears'n'tears on the mind until you let it out. Until somebeast tells ye everything's okay." Thoughtful, the scarred young otter wondered just what it was that was plaguing the sea-otter even younger than he. It was a death, wasn't it? Had he shamed his family? Had he abandoned someone in their hour of need?
"Some beasts need time to get over it, even after talkin' about it... Somebeasts never get over it -- and these are the ones who've tons, no, hundreds of creatures. Even if it may've been for a good cause, self defense or the protection of others, it still tears yore soul into more pieces than you thought was possible. Yore lucky ye've got your youth, mate. Some beasts I've seen don't even have that -- and they end up carrying that guilt with 'em to their graves." The Skipper took another sip. "I hope that where-ever they are now they've finally let their guilt go. I know we aren't exactly the best of pals, you'n'me, but here's a bit of advice." This time Tynan sounded as serious as a certain Spirit of Redwall Abbey, his eyes locked on Cross's. "Don't spend yer life feelin' guilty, with your past as heavy as the stones that built this place -- make peace with your demons, Cross. That's the best advice I can give to anybeast." Tynan had his fair share of demons, and while Koa was not yet old enough for Tynan to make peace with him, Tynan still tried every day to live his life as guilt-free as possible. If he made a mistake, he corrected it. If he wronged somebeast, he apologized. Sometimes guilt was like an infection -- if he didn't treat it right away, it would worsen and spread like wildfire.

Koa stopped making bubbles. Blinking, the ottercub looked from Skipper to Cross, finally catching on to what was apparently a very serious conversation. Why did Cross seem so...tired and upset? Did he need a nap too? "What's wrong, Cross?" chirped the otterbabe, his own troubles momentarily forgotten in favor of concern for his older brother. Skipper smiled, reaching over and resting a paw on the otterbabe's head.
"Cross is just a bit tired, mate -- dontcha know he's up past his bedtime?"

[Cross]

"I don't know if this is the case, Cross, but you're speaking like a guilty warrior." Tynan took a sip from his hot cider, sticking his tongue out at Koa who was making bubbles in his own cider. "I've seen it happen a lot in my own crew sometimes -- an honorable creature feels remorse for the lives they've taken, and it wears'n'tears on the mind until you let it out. Until somebeast tells ye everything's okay."

"I'm . . . no warrior," Cross could only reply. He set his mug of cider down before his trembling paw dropped it. Rubbing his forehead, he tried to compose himself. What's wrong with you? You used to be good at this! Get ahold of yourself!

". . . I know we aren't exactly the best of pals, you'n'me, but here's a bit of advice." This time Tynan sounded as serious as a certain Spirit of Redwall Abbey, his eyes locked on Cross's. "Don't spend yer life feelin' guilty, with your past as heavy as the stones that built this place -- make peace with your demons, Cross. That's the best advice I can give to anybeast."

You don't know how much I want to reconcile myself, Cross thought. The silvery sea otter closed his eyes, unable to look into Tynan's piercing gaze any longer. Should he just come out and say it? "I--" he stopped short, looking down at Koa. The otter babe had lost his parents. He didn't need to know what Cross had done to his own parents.

"What's wrong, Cross?" chirped the otterbabe, his own troubles momentarily forgotten in favor of concern for his older brother.

"Cross is just a bit tired, mate -- dontcha know he's up past his bedtime?"

Bed . . . bed sounded very nice at the moment. Facing his demons was a task for when he was less exhausted. Perhaps his nightmares had worn themselves out and he'd be able to get some good sleep tonight. The silvery otter nodded. "Aye, I am tired," he murmured. For so long, I've been tired . . .

"Ach, Skipper, ye grea' wavedog, d'ye ken wot time et is?" the kindly voice of Father Rommel broke the sudden silence as the abbot stepped into the kitchens. His scarred snout stretching into a roguish smile, the older mouse wagged a finger at Tynan. "Och, Ah shood give ye a bedtime, aye? Ye grea' rascal, keepin' thes' poor beasts oop tae all hours."

Chuckling, Rommel walked up to Cross, nodding politely to the young otter. They'd met once in passing, when Cross was first back on his feet. The otter returned the nod wearily. Rommel ruffled the fur on Koa's head gently and then patted Cross's muscular arm. "How are ye all?" he asked, turning back to Tynan.

[.:Fawn:.]

Trying to bring up the atmosphere, Skipper chuckled into his mug. "On to more cheerful things, eh? How's young Freya doing? Thorsten hasn't threatened to dock yore rudder yet, 'as he?" The brawny otter was unable to hide his cheeky grin. "Pfffst, Me'n'Freya used to play together in Abbey School -- I swear, Thorsten didn't like me then and still don't like me now! So good luck to ya."

The sudden arrival of the Abbey's favorite creature, however, pulled the devilish grin down into a genuinely pleased smile, as though happy to see Father Rommel walking towards the small party of otters. "Good 'eve to ye Father, we're all fine'n'dandy -- just enjoyin' a bit of cider by the glow o'the kitchens." Skipper turned to the pot, holding up a mug and an inviting smile.
"Care for a drink, Father? The ol' Abbey tends to get a little chilly 'round this time o'night."

((I don't know why, but I'm having a total blast with Skipper's accent. xD Gah I love otters.))

[Cross]

Cross could not hide the sudden blush that colored his silvery features. He averted his gaze, taking a long sip of cider. "She is . . . well," he replied at last. Flattening his ears, the big otter hoped he wasn't being so obvious. But it was probably too late for that.

Father Rommel chuckled at the three otters. He did love seeing the abbey dwellers enjoying themselves, even on cold nights like this one. He was curious about this Cross fellow, though. The boy seemed so reserved and quiet. Ah, well, Rommel knew how to get beasts to open up. All it took was patience.

"Care for a drink, Father? The ol' Abbey tends to get a little chilly 'round this time o'night."

"Aye, Tynan," Rommel replied, accepting the offered drink. "Thank ye. 'Tis nae a night tae be oot an' aboot for long, ye ken? 'Less a' course ye brou' a blanket, liek wee Koa has done." He smiled at the otter babe, draining half of his cup.

"Ah would liek tae ken, tho'," the Father added after a moment. "Why are ye all oop? Couldnae sleep? Ah admit Ah were plagued by a braw auld throb in me head." He turned to Koa again, his keen blue eyes full of concern. "Did ye 'ave a nightmare, wee one?"

((You think you're having fun? Dude, I cannot get enough of this highlander accent! XD))

[.:Fawn:.]

"Ah would liek tae ken, tho'," the Father added after a moment. "Why are ye all oop? Couldnae sleep? Ah admit Ah were plagued by a braw auld throb in me head." He turned to Koa again, his keen blue eyes full of concern. "Did ye 'ave a nightmare, wee one?"

Koa Shorehound nodded, feeling a bit embarrassed to have gotten so scared. "Yeah," was his mumble, hiding his face in his mug as he drank the last of it. Tynan chuckled. "Well ah've just come back from helpin' out the McDonald family -- needed some strong beasts to help get 'em moved into their winter home before the frost sets in." The brawny young otter refilled his mug, a few hot droplets splashing onto his scarred paw. "Just wasn't ready to hit the hay just yet -- it's not often a beast can wander the Abbey without bumpin' into some creature off doing this or that. I kinda like the quiet."

Koa held out his mug to the Skipper, hoping for another drink, but Tynan smiled, shaking a finger at him mockingly. "Sorry lil' mate, if I let ye 'ave anymore, you'll get the zoomies and won't wanna go to bed!"
The otterbabe blinked, eyes widening. "Zoomies?"

Tynan winked at Father Rommel and Cross. "Aye, the zoomies! Tis a 'orrible contageous thing! Makes it so that ye can't stop runnin' and jumpin' and whoopin' about like a madbeast! ol' Father Rommel caught it once -- terrible thing, ain't it? Why, he had to have a whole 'ottle of medicine just ter cure him!"

[Cross]

"Yeah," was his mumble, hiding his face in his mug as he drank the last of it.

Cross hugged Koa a little tighter for a moment. "I know how that feels, little brother," the silvery otter murmured reassuringly. Rommel smiled warmly again, rubbing the otterbabe's shoulder. It seemed Cross had formed a bond with little Koa. Good, good. From what the Father had heard, this big sea otter needed all the friends he could find.

"Well ah've just come back from helpin' out the McDonald family -- needed some strong beasts to help get 'em moved into their winter home before the frost sets in." The brawny young otter refilled his mug, a few hot droplets splashing onto his scarred paw. "Just wasn't ready to hit the hay just yet -- it's not often a beast can wander the Abbey without bumpin' into some creature off doing this or that. I kinda like the quiet."

Rommel nodded agreement. "Ach, aye, me son," he replied. "Ah hae taken walks through the bonny walls in the wee 'ours. Et doo clear me head." He drained the last of his cider and set his mug on a counter. "Thank ye, Tynan, for yon cider. Ah b'lieve me head 'as stopped throbbin'."

Tynan winked at Father Rommel and Cross. "Aye, the zoomies! Tis a 'orrible contageous thing! Makes it so that ye can't stop runnin' and jumpin' and whoopin' about like a madbeast! ol' Father Rommel caught it once -- terrible thing, ain't it? Why, he had to have a whole 'ottle of medicine just ter cure him!"

Rommel nodded seriously at Koa. "'Tis true, lad," he said gravely. "Yon friar dinnae 'ide the candied nuts, ye ken? Ah were nae reddy tae go tae bed, either. Tukk a walk 'roond the abbey while e'ery beast were tucked awae. An' Ah foond the nuts right oon the very counter Tynan be standin' by. Nex' mornin', Ah woke oop 'midst three empty kegs o' ale." His grim demeanor vanished, and he laughed heartily. Despite himself, Cross chuckled at the story. He was beginning to like this abbot.