Baby Steps

[Tracy]

It was so warm out, warmer than the last time he’d ventured outdoors. Jamie only hoped he wouldn’t regret this trip as much as the last; although with the infirmary-keeper on his tail, it was unlikely he could make any stupid decisions… like running half a mile down the shore. The young lieutenant glanced at Roseleaf from the corner of his eye, wondering if that really was the only reason she was there. When she’d given him permission to go out, he’d invited her along, but had expected her to decline. No doubt she’d seen just about enough of him these past couple months. Truth be told, he was pretty sick of his own company, and that was a new feeling.

Before going out, he’d had to rifle through his chest for some of his old clothes. He was thinner than he’d been in a long while, and was practically swimming in his regular clothes. He had his appetite back for the most part, something he’d gleefully discovered about a fortnight past. Unfortunately, the first day he felt good enough for a full dinner, he’d wolfed it down and it was too late before he realized it was more than he could handle. Since then, he’d been building up to eating his normal amount, and was just about there, but it wasn’t showing in his physique yet. Being able to work out as normal would help, too, and he wasn’t quite there yet.

Baby steps, he supposed, and that’s what this was, this stroll out to the beach. When they were making their way out, he’d been greeted by a handful of other patrollers, calling him ‘lieutenant.’ He was still wrapping his head around that one. He didn’t feel much like a lieutenant. So far his biggest achievement in his new rank was holding down a meal. Still, it felt good, to be acknowledged. That others, at least, were seeing something he could not.

When they got outside, the sun shining down instantly improved the hare’s mood. Getting the feel of the sunsoaked sand beneath his feet, he reached his arms over his head and stretched his whole lithe form out, getting out the kinks of disuse. He stretched his arms down to his feet then, but was careful doing that, mindful of the injury in his side. Shaking out his limbs, he made his way quickly out the gate and out onto the open gate. Now he remembered how he had made that stupid mistake of running. It was so tempting. He’d set his recovery back weeks. That reminder brought his impulse to dash away under control.

“Oh good, it’s all still here!” he joked. “The only window I’ve seen out for weeks showed me naught but a cliffside. Beasts weren’t meant to be locked up indoors.” He was chattering idly, as if to hear his own voice. There wasn’t much else to talk about, really. It wasn’t as if he could tell Roseleaf about his day, or even his week… she was there for most of it. Over the past several weeks the only new things he could tell her was exactly how many wall-tiles were in the infirmary and the average amount of time – each for male and female – that a creature usually spent in the infirmary. His life was DULL.

“So what’ve I missed?” he asked, wryly, as if he hadn’t spent so much of his time around her lately. “Births, deaths? Hostile takeovers? Maybe a war?” Obviously the world had to fall apart when this hero wasn’t there to protect it.

[Kenyon]

“If you hadn’t tried to go running around the corridors last month I would have let you stay in the main infirmary.” She let him know tartly, following behind her patient. And if he hadn’t tried running half a mile in sand in the late spring, he’d have been out and about months ago. It was fairly obvious (she could assume) that one worked harder in sand. It wouldn’t have caused quite as much damage, say, if he’d tried running down a flat, firm surface. Not one that gave way and tugged at his paws.

“So what’ve I missed?” he asked, wryly, as if he hadn’t spent so much of his time around her lately. “Births, deaths? Hostile takeovers? Maybe a war?” Obviously the world had to fall apart when this hero wasn’t there to protect it.

“Absolutely nothing happened. Stretch your side more, that scar needs to be used or it will pull at the skin around it.” She stepped around him, walking out into the sunlight. She didn’t see it as much as she used to. Was that what it was like, to run the infirmary? To spend days upon weeks cooped up inside? Even after nearly five years she didn’t know.

[Tracy]

Jamie had tried to lighten up the mood, and Roseleaf had returned with a brisk reply before going right back to being his caretaker. He bit the inside of his cheek and looked away. Their relationship had been strictly healer/patient for the past few months and it made it hard for him to remember the easy companionship they’d shared briefly before. They’d both grown too busy to spend much time together, but suddenly being thrown into each other’s company under these circumstances had not been the best way to reconnect.

She wasn’t the only one he had a difficult time conversing with, though. The only story he really had worth telling was all about what had happened in Mossflower with the lizards, but he never seemed in a mood to talk about it. Most everyone had heard the story from the woodlanders who’d also been there and survived the ordeal, but Jamie didn’t seem too eager to contribute his part. He never deliberately declined to describe the events, rather just found a way to change the topic or else downplay the whole thing so others would grow bored of asking him.

So here he was again, bereft of anything to say. He could scarcely believe how frustrating it was. Being talkative and social was something that came easily, naturally, to the hare. As they walked along, Jamie stretched out various body parts, heeding his orders like a good patient. In their silent stroll, his gaze wandered to the few other hares that dotted the area. Many were just walking like them, or sitting and enjoying the weather, but a few were boxing and even more were practicing their swordplay.

Almost sick with envy, Jamie returned his attention to his haremaid attendant, and decided to give this one more try. Anything to occupy his tongue, and his attention. “How’s your brother doing?”

[Kenyon]

Roseleaf was wishing she’d come out here alone. But she had a patient and so she couldn’t relax. She had to stay professional at all times, be the healer of Salamandastron. She didn’t have time to be anything else, and if she goofed off while she was working, what faith would they place in her? Better to be restrained. She could come back later to enjoy the warm summer’s day.

Right?

“How’s your brother doing?”

His words interrupted her musing, she paused to drop back next to the lieutenant. “I haven’t seen him all summer.” She admitted honestly, with a slight shrug. She rarely saw Aidan, he was always away from the mountain, especially during the warm months, when vermin and trouble ran rampant. They walked in silence. Finally she spoke again, realizing they had to speak of something.

“How’s your sister?”

[Tracy]

Jamie had been happy enough to have a stroll along the shore. He wanted to enjoy the sunshine, the feel of the warm sand, the smell of the salty air. But this strained conversation was almost torturous. When did talking to Roseleaf become impossible? He watched her as they walked and realized she didn’t want to be there at all. She really only was there to keep an eye on her patient, and that made everything even worse.

”How’s your sister?”

Jamie snorted, as if at how ridiculous her question was. Well, Roseleaf had been there for practically every moment he’d spent with his little sister of late. The infirmary keeper had been there to hear every little tale the loquacious haremaid had to relate to her brother, from how dull her history lessons were to a shiny rock she’d found by the training compounds. Jamie sighed and shook his head a little. “She’s fine.”

There was silence again.

Jamie didn’t attempt another empty question, instead just watched the activities of the other hares out on the beach. He watched a pair practicing their swordplay and was automatically thinking in his head how he’d help the younger recruit improve his form, and how he could suggest to the older recruit a blade better suited to his technique. He missed training. Really, he just missed the feel of holding his saber.

The young lieutenant glanced briefly over at Roseleaf again. “Say,” he started, feeling bold all of a sudden. “Do you remember that first stroll we took together down the beach? You decided to race me down the shoreline…” he trailed off.

[Kenyon]

They fumbled through several more long moments in silence, walking father down the packed sand. They paused to watch a pair practice their swordplay. She watched the dance with a little bit of nostalgia, remembering a time when the hare beside her had tried to teach her swordplay. She flipped one long ear as if to get rid of a fly, driving the bothersome thought from her head. She picked up her pace a little, putting a little distance between herself and Jamie. Lieutenant Sersea.

“Say,” he started, feeling bold all of a sudden. “Do you remember that first stroll we took together down the beach? You decided to race me down the shoreline…”

Her back stiffened as she halted, face frozen. And now they had paused behind a archery practice, the twang of bowstrings as they shot at the inland dunes bringing back more memories of last year’s foolishness. They had been a happy point in her life, a time when she had thought herself more than just the infirmary keeper.

But then he had left and she had learned to the mountain’s sorrow what she really was. Shirking her duty only led to death.

[Tracy]

Jamie had only meant to lighten the mood, perhaps bring her attention back to when their time together hadn’t been a chore. Maybe try to make it like that again. Jamie missed it, and of late it had concerned him that Roseleaf didn’t. What happened? When he woke up in the infirmary months ago, he hadn’t been in a state to be his normal social and flirtatious self. And understandably, Roseleaf had jumped into the role of healer.

At first he hadn’t questioned it, but when he started feeling better, and tried to ease back into their former, easy companionship, Roseleaf had utterly resisted it. Baffled, but for the sake of keeping his stay in the infirmary civil and free of awkwardness, he’d decided not to pursue it. The young lieutenant finally assumed Roseleaf just wasn’t interested in his attention anymore. He understood it, but given recent events in his life, he found her way of handling it uncommonly cold.

So now, out in the warm light of day, he gave it another try. If Roseleaf wanted distance from him, he at least deserved to be told outright. The haremaid’s reaction wasn’t quite what he expected. It wasn’t that she was ignoring him, or was annoyed by him. He’d struck something. Jamie stopped, and his sea-green eyes studied her.

“Roseleaf,” he started quietly. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

[Kenyon]

There was a sharp twang and shout of victory as one archer hit the target spot on. Roseleaf didn’t turn to look, keeping her gaze firmly locked on the far distance in front of her. Seagulls cried in the silence that she surrounded herself with. She hoped that he would just let it go. Please, just let it go.

“Roseleaf,” he started quietly. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

She shut her eyes tightly, paws clenching. Her eyes opened, but she refused to look at him. Why couldn’t he let it be? Why did he see fit to torment her with her failures? It was Jamie who had enticed her out of her shell, had brought her the freedom outside her own self-built prison. He’d made her laugh, and they’d practiced weaponry and gone for runs on the shore.

But then he’d left, and she’d continued to go out, to enjoy life outside the infirmary. And that was when the incident had happened. It wasn’t the first time her patients had died, but it was the first time she’d blamed herself. She had been out, nearly a day’s run from the mountain, playing at member of the long patrol as a platoon performed field exercises.

Three hares had died and another had lost her hand, and all of simple things. She could have prevented it, but she’d been foolish. She’d allowed her brief time with Jamie to taint her responsibilities, given herself the illusion that she needn’t tie herself to the infirmary all day, that she could have a life.

“This is wrong.” She ground out, then was off like a shot. She knew he couldn’t catch her, she knew he was a slow runner even before the injury.

[Tracy]

Jamie didn’t really think he’d put Roseleaf on the spot. He’d been sensitive enough not to corner her in her own infirmary, and while there were others around, no one was really close enough to be listening to their conversation. But also, he’d been expecting a fairly brief reply; most likely her saying she wasn’t interested, or even to leave her alone. Sure, he didn’t want to hear it, but it would be so much better than not knowing.

The lieutenant was completely unprepared for the reaction he received though. He stepped back a bit as the haremaid clenched herself up. He might’ve expected her to be annoyed, but she seemed… hurt? Wow, what on earth had he done? Had he said something stupid, done something wrong? Roseleaf was not the kind of maid to suffer a mistake quietly though. Bewildered, he was about to ask, but then-

“This is wrong.”

Jamie’s gaze followed her as she turned heel and ran from him. He could only stand there, stunned. Wrong? That didn’t play into his theory at all. Their being together was… wrong? He looked around; he’d actually been given a few curious glances, as if they were all wondering what he could’ve possibly said to so upset Roseleaf. He wished he knew, too.

At first, he thought to leave well enough alone, she apparently wanted to be away from him. But then he’d just be seeing her later that day in the infirmary again, and that was an awkward encounter he didn’t want to go through. “Um, carry on,” he said to the small audience he’d acquired, then turned and went after Roseleaf. He half-walked, half-jogged after her, but finally slowed to a walk when he saw her drop to a seated position a ways off.

Jamie finally caught her up, but even in his trip after her, he hadn’t actually come up with anything to say. Ignoring the dull ache in his side, he looked down at her, holding his paws out in question. “What— I—what—“ Jamie shook his head, tossing his paws a bit before him. “I don’t even know what to say. I always know what to say!”

[Kenyon]

She’d run because she’d wanted to get away. She should have known it wouldn’t be that easy. The longer he’d staying in the infirmary, the more he’d seemed interested in reviving their old companionship, and she couldn’t let that happen. More slip-ups could be disastrous. What if… her self-doubting thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of Jamie.

She was tempted to smack her head into her palm, multiple times.

“What— I—what—“ Jamie shook his head, tossing his paws a bit before him. “I don’t even know what to say. I always know what to say!”

She bowed her head, looking at her lap. It was a sad day for the mountain, but the only one who really thought much about it was her. No one blamed her, after all, she had left the infirmary in the paws of her assistant. It wasn’t her fault.

Except she knew that her assistant was mostly good for dealing with colds and delivering babies. She was a good nurse, but she wasn’t a healer. Nobody blamed Roseleaf, and it soon faded in the face of other happenings in the mountain. Like the arrival of the new lord. Noone blamed her, but she blamed herself. Senseless death that could have been prevented merely by her presence.

“Its not important, Ja-- Lieutenant.” She didn’t lift her head. “Just leave it be, wot?”

[Tracy]

Jamie just stood there in front of her, looking down at Roseleaf as if he might get his answers from the look on her face. But she was completely closing him out, which was frustrating. Her head bowed, he couldn’t even ascertain her expression, but after running from him and now keeping her gaze lowered, it seemed like she might be on the verge of crying. Jamie sighed and looked away for a moment, back down the shoreline where the two had just been. It seemed like whatever was bothering haremaid had something to do with Jamie, and how was he supposed to let it go if it was enough to put Roseleaf in tears.

“Its not important, Ja-- Lieutenant.” She didn’t lift her head. “Just leave it be, wot?”

Jamie made a face, almost of disgust, when she called him ‘lieutenant.’ Of all the hares on this mountain, she’d been the one he didn’t have to hear rank and title from. And it wasn’t just because she wasn’t a soldier; it was because they’d been friends. “Listen,” he said with an edge. “I know you’ve always had this tendency to keep everybeast at arm’s length. An’ maybe that’d be fine if it’s really want y’wanted. But what you wanted just now was t’call me Jamie. You had t’stop and remind yourself to push me back.”

He paused, then gingerly set himself down on the sand next to her. It was hard not to remember their first time out together, racing a good way down the shore, and stopping to sit for a breather, making idle, but easy conversation. He was quiet for few moments, looking out over the water. When he spoke, it was softer, measured.

“If it wasn’t important, y’wouldn’t have run off from me in front o’ everybeast like y’did. Y’wouldn’t have called me ‘lieutenant’ because you never do that. Y’would’ve been happier to be out here for a walk, not lookin’ like every step was a torture.” He paused, as if not really wanting to say the next part, but he pushed on. “I thought mayhap, an’ not for the first time mind you, that you jus’ didn’t want me around. Y’know, that happens.” Well, admittedly, it didn’t happen to Jamie, but there was a first time for everything, right?

“What gets me, what confuses me,” he continued. “Was jus’ now. ‘This is wrong.’ I’m sorry m’gel, what’s wrong?” Roseleaf would have to give, he figured, because Jamie had absolutely nothing better to do with life right now than to get the truth out of her. Jamie didn’t mean to annoy, he didn’t mean to push, but Roseleaf had been… she’d been… important to him, and he couldn’t believe she could toss that all away.

[Tracy]

Jamie just stood there in front of her, looking down at Roseleaf as if he might get his answers from the look on her face. But she was completely closing him out, which was frustrating. Her head bowed, he couldn’t even ascertain her expression, but after running from him and now keeping her gaze lowered, it seemed like she might be on the verge of crying. Jamie sighed and looked away for a moment, back down the shoreline where the two had just been. It seemed like whatever was bothering haremaid had something to do with Jamie, and how was he supposed to let it go if it was enough to put Roseleaf in tears.

“Its not important, Ja-- Lieutenant.” She didn’t lift her head. “Just leave it be, wot?”

Jamie made a face, almost of disgust, when she called him ‘lieutenant.’ Of all the hares on this mountain, she’d been the one he didn’t have to hear rank and title from. And it wasn’t just because she wasn’t a soldier; it was because they’d been friends. “Listen,” he said with an edge. “I know you’ve always had this tendency to keep everybeast at arm’s length. An’ maybe that’d be fine if it’s really want y’wanted. But what you wanted just now was t’call me Jamie. You had t’stop and remind yourself to push me back.”

He paused, then gingerly set himself down on the sand next to her. It was hard not to remember their first time out together, racing a good way down the shore, and stopping to sit for a breather, making idle, but easy conversation. He was quiet for few moments, looking out over the water. When he spoke, it was softer, measured.

“If it wasn’t important, y’wouldn’t have run off from me in front o’ everybeast like y’did. Y’wouldn’t have called me ‘lieutenant’ because you never do that. Y’would’ve been happier to be out here for a walk, not lookin’ like every step was a torture.” He paused, as if not really wanting to say the next part, but he pushed on. “I thought mayhap, an’ not for the first time mind you, that you jus’ didn’t want me around. Y’know, that happens.” Well, admittedly, it didn’t happen to Jamie, but there was a first time for everything, right?

“What gets me, what confuses me,” he continued. “Was jus’ now. ‘This is wrong.’ I’m sorry m’gel, what’s wrong?” Roseleaf would have to give, he figured, because Jamie had absolutely nothing better to do with life right now than to get the truth out of her. Jamie didn’t mean to annoy, he didn’t mean to push, but Roseleaf had been… she’d been… important to him, and he couldn’t believe she could toss that all away.

[Kenyon]

“Listen,” he said with an edge. “I know you’ve always had this tendency to keep everybeast at arm’s length. An’ maybe that’d be fine if it’s really want y’wanted. But what you wanted just now was t’call me Jamie. You had t’stop and remind yourself to push me back.”

Her fingers twined together, tightening their grip as he spoke. It bloody didn’t matter what she wanted, did it? She’d wanted this job, hadn’t she? She still did, really. She couldn’t imagine a life not spent in her infirmary, not healing a little one’s fever, not saving lives during a war. She wouldn’t be who she was. She liked the thrill of being the one who could bring order to the raw chaos of the infirmary, who was looked to save life and limb.

Except she hadn’t.

“What gets me, what confuses me,” he continued. “Was jus’ now. ‘This is wrong.’ I’m sorry m’gel, what’s wrong?”

They sat there in silence after his words died away, the only sound the wind and waves on the shore. Roseleaf finally spoke, her eyes on her twisting fingers. “This is.” She said softly again, “This… foolishness. Playing about and pretending to be who I’m not.” She took a deep breath to steady her fast beating heart and the tightness of panic in her chest.

“After you left…” Her voice got quieter, she’d never admitted her personal feelings on this to anybeast. She’d set herself so fully apart over the years… “I failed.” She admitting, the two words dropping silently but unleashing a floodgate. “I was off playing soldier, and they needed me. Four hares, three dead and one lost her paw.” Her tone was dead, as if she reported a statistic.

“Seasons, three of them were only leverets!” She cried out, a raw edge of emotion finally touching her voice.

[Tracy]

“This is.” She said softly again, “This… foolishness. Playing about and pretending to be who I’m not.”

Although Roseleaf was avoiding looking at him, Jamie had his gaze trained on her. Although confused by her announcement that she was ‘pretending’ to be someone, he remained carefully quiet, knowing she was about to tell him more. He also resisted the desire to comfort her. Roseleaf had run away when he’d innocently mentioned their time together, he was frightened what would happen if he tried to touch her.

“After you left…” Her voice got quieter, she’d never admitted her personal feelings on this to anybeast. She’d set herself so fully apart over the years… “I failed.”

At that admission, Jamie felt he knew where this was headed, but still, he remained quiet, not wanting to cut her off when she finally started talking to him.

“I was off playing soldier, and they needed me. Four hares, three dead and one lost her paw.”

Jamie frowned. Roseleaf blamed herself for the death of patients? She’d worked in the infirmary for so long, and she still had it in her to do that? He felt some despair at that, because he had no idea how to convince her otherwise, and he also felt some anger at the other hares of Salamandastron. While Roseleaf had given all her time to take care of others, who was taking care of her?

“Seasons, three of them were only leverets!”

All right, bugger the comforting thing! Jamie didn’t even care – he didn’t care how Roseleaf would react, he didn’t care if anyone was around. He quickly nudged himself closer beside her and slid an arm around her, drawing her closer. He used his free paw to untwine her own paws from each other, stopping their idle twisting and turning. Jamie had known it for a while, but he distinctly felt how much he missed her now.

“Roseleaf, that’s awful. I’m sorry that happened.” And I’m sorry no one was here to comfort you. The way she’d spilled over, it was clear she hadn’t spoken with anyone about it before. He was quiet for a moment, very lightly rubbing her shoulder as he thought what he could possibly say to her. He didn’t really know how she felt; to have spent the past several months thinking she was responsible for the death of young hares.

He took a slow breath, turning his head a bit, so he was talking right to her - quietly just to her. “Y’know what I thought, the first time I met you? Well, after Gosh she’s beautiful’.” He paused momentarily, and went on. “I thought, here’s a gel who really got everythin’ she wants from life. You run your own infirmary, you’ve saved I d’no how many lives. This whole mountain owes you their debt of gratitude in any case. And you were so happy and so confident. You cheerfully trounced me in archery minutes after meeting me. Soon after that you outpaced me in a footrace. And after all that, you went back t’helping mend and heal others.”

He adjusted himself a little. “All those things, you’re all those things. If it’s killin’ me to see you sever such a huge part of your life, I can’t even imagine what it’s doing to you.”

((Eek, sorry it was a little rushed at the end, gotta go to work!!))

[Kenyon]

“Seasons, three of them were only leverets!”

She tensed as he drew closer, but then she relaxed, leaning on his shoulder as her paw tightened on his. She felt tears coming to her, finally feeling the release of pent-up emotion. He might judge her, but that was alright. Somebeast would know. She wouldn’t bear her burden alone.

“Roseleaf, that’s awful. I’m sorry that happened.” “Y’know what I thought, the first time I met you? Well, after Gosh she’s beautiful’.”

“Heh.” Roseleaf’s breath hitched slightly with self-deprecation, squeezing past the lump growing in her throat. Tears started silently down her face, leaving tracks in her fur as she thought of those three hares who’d died.

He adjusted himself a little. “All those things, you’re all those things. If it’s killin’ me to see you sever such a huge part of your life, I can’t even imagine what it’s doing to you.”

“They died because I wasn’t there.” She admitted brokenly, closing her eyes. What was one hare’s life against the mountain? What did it matter if she didn’t go outside the infirmary? One life, two lives, twenty… it was all worth it, wasn’t it?

[Tracy]

Jamie held Roseleaf closer when she started to cry. He rested his head lightly on hers, letting her cry for a few moments. She needed to. She hadn’t allowed herself to until now and there was no one there to be a shoulder to cry on. But he was there now. He wanted to tell her he’d always be there. Jamie didn’t make any move to break away until she spoke again.

“They died because I wasn’t there.”

The lieutenant drew back just a bit there to get a better view of the haremaid’s face. He gave Roseleaf’s paw an affectionate squeeze before pulling his paw away so he could reach up and gently brush away her tears. Vaguely he thought back to the day he’d met her, where he’d try so hard to get her to smile. After that first smile, the rest came easily, readily. He wanted her to smile again.

“Roseleaf, “ he started again. Jamie looked at her and sighed a little, slowly lowering his paw from her cheek. “What happened was a tragedy. I.. I wish I knew what t’say, how t’make you understand, but I couldn’t pretend t’know how you’re feeling.”

He rubbed Roseleaf’s shoulder a bit. “M’gel… none of us… none of us do this all alone, y’know? You once told me bein’ a healer was kind’a like fighting your own war. In the Long Patrol, none of us fight a war alone. An’ you can’t fight your war alone. You’re the best healer this mountain knows an’ we all need you – I definitely did. But the best swordsbeast in the Patrol can’t fight a war alone.”

Jamie affectionately nudged the healer’s head with his, offering her a small smile. “You’re Salamandastron’s infirmary keeper, but you’re so much more an’ some of us need everythin’ else you have. An’ you need someone else in your regiment.”

[Kenyon]

“Roseleaf, “ he started again. Jamie looked at her and sighed a little, slowly lowering his paw from her cheek. “What happened was a tragedy. I.. I wish I knew what t’say, how t’make you understand, but I couldn’t pretend t’know how you’re feeling.”

She sniffed, scrubbing the fur under her eyes with the back off a paw. Fur stood up in clumps as it dried. She offered a tiny smile, somehow feeling somewhat better. Oh, the guilt wasn’t gone, nor was the pain, but somehow the burden felt lighter. She wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but she felt relief at being able to share, to lean on a shoulder and cry. It wasn’t a familiar position for her to be in.

Jamie affectionately nudged the healer’s head with us, offering her a small smile. “You’re Salamandastron’s infirmary keeper, but you’re so much more an’ some of us need everythin’ else you have. An’ you need someone else in your regiment.”

Roseleaf fiddled with her paws, lowering her eyes to watch them twist together with none of the previous anxiety. Her ears lifted slightly and she smiled, but she avoided Jamie’s gaze. Her face was warm and she felt suddenly nervous, but not enough to move. She felt very comfortable, very right, exactly where she was. She sighed, but it was lighter, almost happy.

"thank you."

[Tracy]

Jamie could feel the change in Roseleaf’s mood, but he kept holding her, his paw wandering idly up and down her arm as it had since he’d put his arm around her. Besides, the haremaid was making no attempt to move away, and Jamie was hardly about to be the one to initiate wrapping the moment up. When she started rubbing the tears from her cheeks, he had to smile. Her fur was clumping where she rubbed it, her eyes were red-rimmed from crying and she was beautiful.

When Roseleaf finally smiled, it was like he could remember every time she smiled. Jamie could remember every time he made her smile, every time he made her laugh. And when she avoided his gaze now and blushed, he remembered how good it felt to see that, too. At first, he’d only wanted to take this guarded haremaid and ruffle her feathers a bit, pull her out of her comfort zone. It had worked, and behind it all was this amazing, fun, talented creature. He hadn’t really counted on so much.

So here they were, and it was like Jamie was figuring that out all over again. He was quiet, moment after moment, watching her. Jamie knew why he wasn’t moving, so he was going to take a chance on Roseleaf’s reason.

“Roseleaf,” Jamie said, taking his free paw, he set it under her chin and gently turned her to look at him. Jamie held there for a moment. There was a vague thought that this might be a mistake, but it was overwhelmingly drowned out in the moment. He slid his paw down to her neck and kissed her.

[Kenyon]

Roseleaf made no movement except to shift into a more comfortable position, fitting nicely along Jamie’s side. This certainly wasn’t in her plan for life-- truthfully, her plan had been simplistic enough and really consisted of being the best infirmary keeper she could, but it was there. Barely and vaguely, but it’d been a plan.

She hadn’t expected Jamie, however, but once he’d wormed into her life it seemed nothing could make him leave. And now, she reflected as she watched her fingers twine together, she found she didn’t want him to. He was kind and he made her laugh, but that wasn’t all there was to him. Jamie didn’t cringe at her sharp words or balk when she’d dissolved in tears.

“Roseleaf,”

There was a moment of surprise, but there was no room for thought as she returned the kiss. It was hesitant at first before she grew more confident. She leaned her forehead on his when they drew apart. A teasing smile grew on her face.

“Alright, I won’t call you Lieutenant.”