Personnel Matters [open]

[Grath]

Aidan paced back and forth in the dim hall. It was after the meeting of officers, the badger lord was now informing the rest of the mountain of the development. His mouth twisted, and his ears quivered. Whether with rage or grief it was hard to tell.

Since the moment of her birth, he’d had a special connection with his younger sister. With his father as example he had whole-heartedly accepted both his new mother and his new sibling into his life. The two had rarely quarreled, though because he was so much older that had been not much of a concern. With Roseleaf as a constant through the years, he had grown to be who he was today.

He couldn’t just stand up there beside his lord with an impartial face and help reassure the other hares. He was discovering that certain things he just couldn’t face with reserved impartiality. The kidnapping of his little sister was personal.

(I intend for this to be a very short thread, but feel free to join if you want)

[Tracy]

Jamie did not usually blame himself for things. He was very realistic and he used his energy to solve problems and right his wrongs rather than dwell on the mistakes he made. But this wasn't even a mistake, it was terrible timing. The young soldier couldn't stop replaying the events of the afternoon in his head. What if he hadn't left? What if he'd just played one more game? He would've been there, he could have helped them. Or what if he had never organized the game to begin with? The guilt was eating him from the inside.

Compounding that was that his little sister had seen it all. Seeing Keely crying and shaking in terror killed him. She'd been so brave to tell everyone the story, and Jamie told her as much later. She'd dissolved into tears again after the meeting, having barely held herself together throughout. After the Badger Lord had told everyone what happened, the lieutenant disappeared to his family's room, talking with his mother and stepfather while comforting Keely. The little maid had finally fallen asleep and Jamie made a quick exit, needing some time to think.

Hoping to avoid the majority of others, he skirted through a few dark hallways and nearly bumped into another hare. He mumbled a muted apology before realizing who it was. "Oh. Captain." His stomach turned. He couldn't imagine what Aidan must be thinking. Jamie was already sick over his own little sister and she was perfectly safe. He took a breath. "Listen..." he started awkwardly, but he had no idea what he was supposed to say.

"I'm sorry," he finally managed, his guilt winning out.

[Grath]

Aidan had stopped in mid-pace, he was studying the ceiling, trying to come to a thoughtful, concise, and impersonal decision. It was proving difficult, and he let a growl of frustration loose. Just then a tall hare bumped into him and muttered an apology. He waved it off with a muted disclaimer, he had been standing in the middle of a dim hall after all.

"Listen..." [..]“I'm sorry,"

Aidan actually turned and looked at Jamie now, eyes darker than usual with something inscrutable. He seemed to register the younger officer’s presence for the first time. When he spoke, it was with surprise. “Wote’er for, wot?”

[Tracy]

Jamie hesitated, tilting his head a bit as he studied the older hare. The lieutenant had been ready for sadness, anger, frustration, understanding. Instead, he was met with confusion. In Jamie's head, he was apologizing for the part he'd played in Roseleaf's disappearance. He knew it was irrational and so he'd supposed Aidan would take his statement as merely a show of empathy, which it also was. Jamie thought he could understand, at least on some level, what it meant to protect a sister. There mere idea of Keely being in danger was too much, and he felt bad for Aidan to that effect.

Perhaps he felt a little guilty for how worried he was about Roseleaf, too. What business, really, did he have to even think about that? He had a job to do any which way, regardless of who it was that went missing that afternoon.

Subconsciously he ran his paw through his headfur, shaking his head a little at the Captain. "I'm just... sorry about your sister. I know it must be hard," he said awkwardly, because it wasn't the whole truth. Jamie couldn't vocally own his guilt, because he knew how unreasonable it was, but that didn't stop how he felt.

"If there's anythin' I can do to help you, I will," he added. He wasn't really sure what he meant by that. Part of him thought Aidan might take matters into his own paws. Jamie wasn't sure he himself would be able to sit idly by and wait on the Patrol if their roles were reversed. He'd like to think he could, but he really wasn't sure.

[Grath]

"I'm just... sorry about your sister. I know it must be hard,"

Aidan turned a sharp eye on the younger officer. Bright, he was, with a great ability to get along with others and the knowledge of just how to motivate recruits. Just now the captain detected guilt and even a little shame lurking in the lieutenant. “Ye worry ‘bout ‘er too.” He said. It could be construed as a question but it was more a statement, and there was no recrimination in the old officer.

"If there's anythin' I can do to help you, I will,"

Aidan played with one of his smaller daggers, a thoughtful action that always helped him to think clearly. He wanted dearly to go, to follow the vermin scum and tear them limb from limb, hear the begging and pleads for mercy. To hold life and death of so many creatures in his own paws... He had always known he had a dark side, a part of him that relished blood and terror. His paw clenched hard on the blade of the dagger and he turned away from Jamie. And he wouldn’t just do it for Roseleaf. He’d do it for Rora… and the other young hares who had been captured and stolen away.

His voice was deadly calm as he spoke, “Wot if I told ye to abandon yore post, Lieutenant Sersea?” What if he told him to stand by as Aidan abandoned his post?

[Tracy]

"Ye worry 'bout 'er too."

Jamie looked at Aidan momentarily at his comment, then slowly looked away, down the empty, dark hallway. He decided against responding to it, and went ahead and let Aidan talk that as confirmation. It was at least a little encouraging not to hear an accusation in the older hare's voice. But then, the Captain had far more pressing matters to worry about.

"Wot if I told ye to abandon yore post, Lieutenant Sersea?"

Being turned away, Aidan would miss the startled look on the young hare's face. Although experienced for his age, with a knack for dealing with others, the lieutenant had never really faced such a glaring moral dilemma. Any creature who knew Jamie in the slightest knew how important the Long Patrol was to him. He'd been cultivating his military career since he was a child and it wasn't an easy thing for him to jeopardize it on a whim, no matter what the cause.

The only thing more important to him than his career was his family. His family. And could he expect anyone else to care about them as much as he did? He thought about his sister and wondered if that protective feeling ever leveled out when they got older and able to take care of themselves. He doubted it. But this wasn't his family, and how could the Captain expect Jamie to risk being stripped of his rank or worse? He was about to say as much...

But then the young officer's mind wandered back to earlier that day. To the game he'd started. To the game he'd left. And now those hares he'd left behind were in danger. 'Abandoning his post' was a severe term that Jamie would never say he would do, even it was exactly what he did. Somehow, he'd have to rationalize to himself that what he was doing was expected of him.

So when Jamie finally replied after several long quiet moments, it was slowly, yet decisively. "I wouldn't let you go alone..."

[Grath]

Aidan’s paw was sliced and bleeding, and he smeared it over the blade as the silence grew behind him. What a dilemma for the younger officer. What could be viewed as treason, especially in his position of authority, or following his guilt and an older officer’s orders.

"I wouldn't let you go alone..."

Blood dripped slowly to the floor as Aidan turned back to face Jamie, right paw on the hilt of the bloody dagger now. It hung down, pointing towards the floor. Aidan waited a log moment, then another. Finally, he spoke. “Nay lad. I would never truly ask it of ye.” His fists clenched as he forced the decision past his lips, the one he had truthfully made long ago, a pledge he would always keep. The blood dripped just the tad faster.

“We-- I. I must stay and fulfill my duties.” He squared his shoulders and began the slow march back towards the bustle and buzz of the Patrol.

[Tracy]

Jamie watched the older hare's paws as he cut himself with the dagger, and wondered if Aidan even knew what he was doing. The lieutenant was fairly sure he didn't feel the pain. One's body could only really focus on the worst pain, and he doubted the slice of the dagger rivaled the pain of knowing his sister was in danger. When Aidan turned back, Jamie glanced up briefly to make eye contact.

"Nay lad. I would never truly ask it of ye."

Jamie supposed he'd be relieved by that statement, but he was too worried about other things for it to really effect him. His gaze lowered slowly again to the dripping blood. It briefly occurred to him to suggest to the Captain that he go to the infirmary and get his paw wrapped. But almost as quickly as the thought had occurred to him he realized what a horrible idea it was. He looked away, frustrated with himself.

"We-- I. I must stay and fulfill my duties."

"Yes, sah," Jamie replied quietly and without conviction. The young officer watched his superior walk off, not entirely sure what to make of the exchange. He hesitated, then turned and walked in the opposite direction.

Stubbing his foot on a small bit of rock, he stooped and picked it up. Alone in the dim hallway, he turned and threw it forcefully against the wall, getting some small satisfaction as it thudded loudly against the stone wall. Jaw clenched, he swung around and continued on his way, more quickly now.