Post by Tracy on Jan 30, 2013 13:06:39 GMT -5
Please put spaces between the sections. It looks like a wall of text right now, and it's hard on the eyes. I want strengths and weaknesses separated so it's more uniform with our template.
Why is his occupation "undecided"? You should know what his position his.
I think you can add more to personality. Typically we're looking for about 8+ good-sized sentences here or two meaty paragraphs.
No one may know where he came from, but YOU do. What happened? How old was he when he was found? He wasn't a private until he was 25? A hare could be a private when they're like 16. It's the bottom of the LP totem pole. He wouldn't have been involved in a Long Patrol battle at the age of 19 if he wasn't even a member of the Long Patrol yet.
Don't just skim over the past 12 years. What has he been up to? What have been his successes/failures in his career? What about his personal life?
Why is his occupation "undecided"? You should know what his position his.
I think you can add more to personality. Typically we're looking for about 8+ good-sized sentences here or two meaty paragraphs.
No one may know where he came from, but YOU do. What happened? How old was he when he was found? He wasn't a private until he was 25? A hare could be a private when they're like 16. It's the bottom of the LP totem pole. He wouldn't have been involved in a Long Patrol battle at the age of 19 if he wasn't even a member of the Long Patrol yet.
Don't just skim over the past 12 years. What has he been up to? What have been his successes/failures in his career? What about his personal life?