Tetra Aylane (done)

[Kyo]

(( the 2nd bio is an NPC character that i put some effort into making))
((just a side note, the story for these characters tie in directly with my River Otter, Komali Ryken. the link to his profile can be found here: cometolora.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=os&thread=1354&page=1#8159))

Gender: Female
Age: 28 and two seasons
Species: Ermine
Occupation: Pirate captain and a formal Captain of a vermin fleet before it was dissolved by mutiny
Disposition On the evil side of neutral

Physical Appearance: Tetra is Average in height for a female ermine and is in excellent physical condition. She sports a stout and very well toned body. She undergoes an exercise routine planned every day before sunrise. The routine is broken down into two parts, each day consisting of one part. Day 1 she focuses on core body and cardio work outs, and day two she focuses on the extremities and cardio, all of which are preceded by a hard stretch. Because of this, Tetra is quite nimble and flexible.
her back fur displays an elegant Dark brown/Reddish hue that is tapered into the cream colored fur that covers her stomach. In the summer months she is most often seen wearing black pants, a low stomach cut tank top covered by an unbuttoned black linen vest. She also ties a deep red scarf around her waist, although it serves no practical purpose. Both of her ears carry large (but not overly large) circular gold ear rings.
Her eyes have a greenish yellow hue and her stare can forcefully cut into your soul, weather she means for it to or not. Her left ear has been sliced to a point from a sword fight years ago in her history. Besides that, she is quite a beautiful lass.

Possessions: She carries a small pouch in her vest pocket in which she carries money, and small feather and caped ink well. She used to carry a beautifully crafted saber, but in the events of the first post i plan to make with this character, she will be parted from her blade. She also carries a 7" by 1" steel dagger in her vest. Tetra doesn’t carry much ells on her person.

Personality: Tetras personality towards the beasts whom she does not know is harsh and ice veined. She has little regard for another person’s feelings and will always speak her mind, regardless if she knows it may strike a nerve. However, she does not try to be cruel on every occasion, she just considers herself to be realistic.
Towards her crew and friends, she is still is quite cold, but she also shows a good degree of respect. she doesn’t hide the fact that she cares for her fellow crew, and would die for them if need be. The crew is aware of this, and is loyal to her. However, they also know that to get on her bad side means to taste her blade. Tetra has killed many creatures, vermin and good beast alike. Murder is just a punishment to her. Overall she is very straight forward, a seasoned strategist and tactician, and a master of blade.


Strengths:

Excellent Physical Condition

Seasoned Tactician and strategist.

Master of blade

is very straight forward, and realistic about all the decisions she makes



Weaknesses:

can easily make enemies

Ice veined and has no regards to feelings.

is at times over confident in her abilities.

The site of her own blood makes her sick to her stomach

Will be handicapped by injury for a period of time during the first thread.




History:
Tetra was born and raised on the vast waters of the western sea. She was the daughter of a of a female pirate admiral of a large vermin fleet named Jade Aylane. Jade Aylane was somewhat of a legend among vermin because of her natural leadership ability, strategic and tactical proficiency, navigation skills, and her harsh and icey personality. Yet above all ells, her devotion and underlying respect that she shows just enough to let her crew know she really cares about them. She was somewhat of a jack of all trades.
Tetra adopted many of these personality traits as she grew older. In her early years of piracy, she held no power. But her mother allowed her to study her actions and answered any questions Tetra had. Tetra grew up under a pirate’s code, and was used to seeing the murder of individuals for profit and other personal gain. When turned 9, she began taking swordsmanship classes from some of the well trained officers in the fleet. at age 14 she started to get acquainted with the various high ranking officers and the jobs that they are responsible for. and at age 18, Her mother declared Tetra captain of her own ship and crew, but as admiral, was still directly under her command.
At first the crew of Tetras new vessel rejected the idea of being led by a eighteen year old Female, but didn’t dare speak out against the judgment of Jade Aylane. Soon their concerns vanished as Tetra, a natural prodigy, successfully led them through raid after raid. Eventually they began to respect her with the same degree of respect as her mother.
Tetra was 19 when her mother ordered a new member to join her crew. A huge beast of a pole cat who identified himself as Dax Torrin. Dax first started out as a deck swabbie, but quickly proved himself a valuable member of the crew and rose in the ranks until he became ship lieutenant, second in command under herself.
They both stayed in this position for the next seven years. During this time however Vice Admiral BloodGlare, second in command of the entire fleet, began to question the command of Admiral Jade Aylane in a way that went under the radar. Over the course of seven years he slowly began to turn the fleet over to his control. When Tetra was 24 the vile sea rat assassinated her mother and declared himself as admiral. However he overestimated the amount of people who were on his side, and the fleet went up in flames and was eradicated over night.
Tetra, whom was devastated by the loss of her mother and mentor, deserted the fleet with only her crew, showing none of the emotion she kept inside....like a good pirate should.
A few years later, while docked at a port town on the coast of Mossflower country. They were offered a very generous sum of money for their aid in over throwing a large woodland fortress in the northern edge of Mossflower known as Fort Kyo. The vermin clans in the area apparently had united together forming a large army in hopes of over throwing the fort. their job was to aid the vermin warlord in erecting a strategy to get inside the walls, with minimal losses, and to transport supplies to the army. However, after completing their part of the bargain in this deal, the Vermin Warlord, deciding to keep the money, betrayed them, and ordered their execution.
Majority of Tetras crew were killed, but the well trained fighters were able to slay their attackers and escape with Tetra. After finding their ship in flames, they boarded a nearby vermin vessel and tried to make a getaway. But During the battle, the main mast was damaged.
The Vermin are in pursuit now and are quickly gaining on the small crew. Boarding is inevitable, and they are out manned.

This is where the first thread will start....


Relationships:
she respects everyone in her crew. But is the closest to her second in command and advisor, Dax Torrin. They are not in love or anything like that. But they are very close friends and have been friends long before she became a captain.

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[Kyo]

NPC CHARACTER
Name: Dax Torrin
Gender: Male
Age: 34 and 1 season
Species: Polecat (if that is a problem i can change it)
Occupation: Pirate Lieutenant and captains advisor
Disposition Neutral

Physical Appearance: Dax is much taller than an average male polecat and stands head and shoulders above all other members in his crew. He carries a huge amount of muscle mass on his body and as such is a complete powerhouse. His height combined with his build makes him very intimidating.
Dax has a resounding baritone voice that changes into a guttural Bass when angered or under stress. He is covered by dark brown fur all over his body except for the end of his tail and the tips of his ears which are a deep black. He normally wears large black cargo trousers, a dark cream colored shirt. And a dark brown cloth cover jacket. He carries a crescent shaped ear ring in his left ear.
His eyes are also a deep dark brown. He has many war scars on various parts of his body. His face is angular and handsome.

Possessions: When not out at sea, he carries around a large brown colored sea bag in which various supplies are stored. He has a pouch filled with money that is kept in his trouser pocket. His primary weapon was a mighty spiked war hammer. But due to the events of the first thread I will make with this character, it now rests forever at the bottom of the ocean. He also carries a standard 7" dagger inside a concealed pocket in his large shirt. Lastly he carries a well crafted Irish whistle that he knows how to play quite well. His father gave him this instrument long ago, and is the only reminder he has of his life before piracy

Personality: Dax is very down to earth and realistic, nor is he offended easily. he is not as harsh or as cold as Tetra. And if you get to know him, you could even say he is even warm hearted. He does not need to worry about others viewing him as a push over though. While Tetra intimidates with her voice and actions, his build is the intimidation factor. Besides that, the crew has seen him in battle before. A single beast could not possibly take him down in a straight up brawl except for a badger or a vastly well trained soldier. Dax has a rather dry sense of humor and often doesn’t understand jokes.
He is quite smart and, like Tetra, is well versed in the arts of strategy and field tactics. He even acts as Tetras personal advisor. It is very hard to get on a bad or good side of this beast. He will defend his crew as a whole, but he views everyone neutrally. If you manage to get on the good side of Dax, he will gladly lay his life down for you. If you get on his bad side, if you haven’t disappeared by the following day, he will personally make sure you "disappear".


Strengths:

His raw strength and power

His down to earth disposition

His strategic and tactical proficiency.

His ability in combat.


Weaknesses:

Dax is rather slow in combat, as he wields a war hammer and an iron chest plate

Has little sense of humor

Even though he is mellow and realistic, as a pirate, he still has no regrets for stealing, or murder.


History:
Dax Torrin was born under a different name 34 years ago on a small fishing village located on an island somewhere in the western sea. The family he was born with were not vermin, they were just a group of humble fisherman living off the land. Dax lived here until the age of five. He was at the age to begin learning the art of sailing and fishing when a group of pirates came ashore, raided the island of anything of value, and slaughtered most people in the village.
Those who were not murdered were brought aboard the pirate ships forced to work hard physical labor. He was "lucky" enough to be brought aboard and spent 8 long years under these conditions. Almost all memory of his past life had been erased by this time. All children learn by example, and his example was murderous pirates. During this time, he was given the name Dax Torrin by the pirates.
At the beginning of his 8th year, someone in the group started to organize a rebellion. for the next few week, they secretly planned out how the attack would take place and they would deal with the pirates being unarmed and outmanned. The man leading the rebellion was an old hare. he said that he was a formal lieutenant colonel in a military based in a far off mountain fortress called Salamandastron. Dax learned valuable lessons about tactics and strategy while listening to this beast. when their plan was put into motion, it worked almost flawlessly. They were docked at an island unknown to him and majority of the pirates were on the moonlit shore drinking and wreaking havoc on the island.

At age 13, Dax was still quite a large beast, capable of handling himself in a fight with an untrained pirate. In one swift movement orchestrated by the slaves, they killed the slave driver, took a few minutes to break off shackles and other handicaps, and silently stormed the deck under the cover of night, killing every unlucky pirate who was ordered to remain on deck. They then hoisted the anchor and set sail away from the island before the other pirates could establish what had happened and pursue them with the other ship docked.
Thankfully they were never found.
However, no one had money. Most of them had only known hard labor and piracy their whole lives. The beast who established himself captain of the ship after the rebellion, converted the new crew to pirates themselves. This beast was not a bad leader at first, but as the years past, he began to treat his crew with more and more disrespect. After 10 years, half of the crew was somewhat loyal, while the other half hated him. A mutiny arose while docked on a coastline in mossflower to gather supplies, and the two halves killed each other off. Dax, whom was 23 at this time, didn’t want to be a part of this. he simply walked off with stolen supplies and rations on his back as the crew murdered each other.
For four years he became a vermin wanderer, stealing food and killing most of those who stood up to him. He took up piracy again when he was offered an elevated position in a large vermin fleet by a captain after being seen in battle with a few untrained sea rats camped up near the western shore. he was tired of wandering aimlessly and quickly joined up. The Fleet was under the iron command of a female ermine, Admiral Jade Aylane. She was a brilliant leader, both harsh and cold, yet fair. for the most part, the beasts in her fleet loved her.
At first Dax was placed under the command of the captain that saw him doing battle with the sea rats, but soon was moved to a different ship and placed under the direct command of Admiral Aylane's 18 year old daughter, Captain Tetra Aylane. Tetra was young for a captain, but shared some of the same personality traits as her mother. Given time, she might have even proved to be a better leader than her mother
Dax served under Tetra for the next 7 years. During this time some smooth talking high ranking sea rat began to openly question Admiral Aylane as a leader, But did it in a way to avoid being slain. Slowly over the years he began to turn the fleet over to his side. A day came when an agent sent by this sea rat slew Admiral Aylane in her sleep, and the sea rat declared himself Admiral of the fleet. the problem was that many of the vermin still loved Jade Aylane, and the fleet dissolved into mutiny before Tetra's and dax's eyes. Tetra broke off from the fleet and sailed away with her crew, all whom were very loyal to her. This included Dax.
Skipping ahead a few years we arrive at the present events.
Tetra was 28 and Dax was 34 when they were offered a large sum of money to aid a large vermin horde in overthrowing and occupying a strong woodlander fortress town known as Fort Kyo. the fort was erected on the ruins of a once mighty vermin fort known as Fort Marshank.
Geographically the fort stood far to the north of Redwall Abbey, although it much larger than Redwall The fort was home to around a thousand soldiers. a portion of which were an elite fighting force. The vermin needed all the help they could get.
The group of pirates accepted the offer due to the large ammount of money involved, and held a meeting with the vermin warlord over a strategy to over throw Kyo. Using Dax's and Tetra's advise, they were able to covertly sneak a few agents over the fortifies walls, slay the gate keeps. And open the gates under the cover of night. The plan worked, but at a heavy price. Over 3/4ths of his original army died while trying to take the fort. After raising the vermin horde’s flag over fort Kyo Tetra and her crew went to receive payment for their help.
Instead of paying them like agreed, the vermin warlord ordered their execution. Majority of Tetra’s crew were slaughtered on the spot, but the well trained fighters were able to fend off the attackers and escape.
They tried to make it back to shore and using their ship, but they found it up in flames on the shore line. Thinking fast the boarded one of the other vermin ships, slew the crew, and sailed off to the west. Unfortunately the main mast was damaged during the battle, and the Vermin were perusing them.
They had nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, out manned and out armed. and the vermin ships were quickly catching up to them....

And this is where my first thread will begin...


Relationships:
Aside from the crew, he is closest to his captain, Tetra

[Tracy]

Tetra:

I think the profile is nicely in-depth and well-thought out for the most part, so my critique will be extremely nitpicky. Just a quick note to proofread and watch for a few typos. For instance you say "ells" twice and it's "else." They're pretty minor though, so no worries.

I think her strengths are decent and realistic. Except you downplay a bit, since in the history, you actually refer to her as a "prodigy." My problem is with the weaknesses. I don't think quick to make enemies/emotionless/low character are really weaknesses for a pirate. She needs something more substantial to balance her out. She's too powerful. I saw you added her being injured at the beginning, but you clearly intend that to be a temporary issue for her. She needs a real and permanent flaw.

Okay, history. I think there's going to be a problem with the ages. Sixteen year old ship captains are pretty frowned upon. I get she was raised and is really skilled and all, but sixteen year olds don't successfully captain pirate ships. Either something went terribly wrong at some point, or she has to be older. If you want to stick to this, you'll have to take it up with another mod, and that's fine. I think bumping up her age throughout would just be the best course.

I like the rest of the history, but I don't know if there'd be a problem with this big warlord thing happening right on the coast of Mossflower without other regions (ie, Redwall, Salamandastron) knowing. I'll toss that issue to Grath or Bethy.

[Kyo]

fair enough, i know you havent looked at Dax yet, but i edited the ages in both profiles.
oh and dax is an npc character that can be controlled in normal conversation by other members, but cannot be killed or injured without my concent.

ah, and about the issue of of the vermin hord. there is a little more information in dax's bio. i kind of winded the two bios around eachother and they come together at the end.

also you can read Komali's profile wich i included in a link in tetras profile for a little a little more background information.
if it is still a problem, the vermin hord and fort kyo can be unique in my threads. although now that i think about it, it could serve as kind of an interesting plot line in the north mossflower area.

[Elizabeth]

Thanks Tracy!

Maybe you should ask Grath about the warlord thing. I still think I'm a kind of novice to this stuff.

Also, A lot of people forget to do this, but I would like to remind them. History should be separated into paragraphs. So should the rest of it, but I wouldn't worry about the other parts so much.

[Kyo]

paragraph issue fixed

again, if it is a problem, the vermin hord and fort kyo can be unique in my threads, or if not, i have a character already aproved that can spread the news throughout mossflower

I read that there were many vermin clans distributed throughout northern mossflower, and with a threat such as this large fort, i think it would be quite plausible for majority of them to unite together in order to over throw it
oh and just to say, the main force that overthrew the fort was quite large, but after the battle, it was reduced to around 200 give or take.

[Grath]

Go ahead and post up a plot thread, if you want, though we have three plots going already. I'll leave this to Bethy though, she's been working with you and Tracy just fine.

[Tracy]

Well, you made the changes I mentioned. And Grath okayed your plot. So it's to Bethy for approval.

[Elizabeth]

Yup, the plot is cool with me if nobody has any objections. I think the profile looks pretty good now!

Approved. good job.