Coping with senility

[Rasthur Grassrunner]

"Aye, lyin' is a skill that could save yer life one day.." Rasthur now returned to his usual smirk, "Or end it." But here the otter was, laughing at all this in such light hearted humour. Although he failed to see what there was to laugh about he joined in with a very slight smile, his much spent time practising such a thing was starting to pay off and the emotion began to feel much more natural - a sure sign that he had spent too much time here had he been younger.

But at the mention that William had actually drunk himself into a stupor was quite amusing to Rasthur, he managed to suppress it into a well contained chuckle; anymore then that and the results may have been unfavourable.
"If I remember? And wot's that supposed to mean eh?" Though as if he had never said it, he stroked his chin slightly, the other paw still resting on his cane maintain his posture.

Though Rocky was right, even though Rasthur wasn't going to admit that anytime soon. He delved back into his memories of the past, back into his near child hood. Truthfully said, the past was little more then a fleeting dream hovering beyond his grasp. Had he been drunk? He couldn't rightly say. It was a bit depressing that all of his memories he had of his childhood had involved a weapon in paw.

"Earliest memory I got...Probably when I got the name Grassrunner..." He almost grinned fondly at the thought, probably one of the best memories he had which also happened to be slaughter related.

[Rocky]

Rocky's attention was arroused when Rasthur said 'When I got the name Grassrunner'. Turning so he faced the blind fox, Rocky asked probably a question William was going to ask, if William didn't know, "When ye got the name Grassrunner?" The otter was bewildered, for lack of a better word. "Ye mean ye weren't born with that name?"

((Sorry for the short post... Im tired... My head hurts... I had too much pudding and my head hurts... Seriously... I never knew pudding could hurt my head...))

[William]

(Dam that evil puddin'! >.<)

Finishing his wine Will blinked a few times as the world swirled slightly. But after a few seconds the world leveled out again. Setting his cup down on top of a barrel he was about to reach for a refill when Rasthur spoke. Raising a eyebrow he looked back at Rasthur, resting against the barrel. He had always assumed that he had been born with that name, like maybe it was a family name. But soon his mind started to wander. What did it mean that he earned it? Was he really fast in his youth? Was he the best tracker? Was he very quick with his weapons.....Or was he the best slayer in the horde? Blinking again he looked back at Rasthur, waiting for his reply.

[Rasthur Grassrunner]

((You'd be surprised at what things can do to your head..I think I got a head-ache from my iPod. Curse my young, hip and extremely tasteful music!))

If it were possible, by any off chance, Rasthur's eyes would've widened in disbelief, as if what he had been asked was the most unbelievably simple thing in the world. Of course he hadn't been born with his second name.
"Yer findin' that odd?" He snorted softly, with almost a smug air about him, thankfully he had learned enough of their traditions to understand where Rocky was coming from, "It be true, the world I came from is a harsh mother." The old fox rasped lightly, as if choking on his own memories.

"In my...Tribe...Names are important. Names are everythin'! Names 'ave to be earned!" He ranted, his voice gaining pitch and fervour, "Which is why..." The fox calmed himself, it seemed that his rant had drained him somehow, "Many of us die nameless." he almost whispered solemnly.

He had the fortune of being given a first name in his infant years, for reasons he wasn't quite ever sure of - perhaps he was just fortunate. Grassrunner...A name given to the swiftest of his tribe, granted by their would be mother...Something he would never let go of.

[Rocky]

Raising his eyebrows, Rocky seemed amused, "So... ye earned it, eh?" Chuckling for no apparent reason, Rocky asked another question, "What'd you get the name for? Were you fast?" After Rocky had spoke up and asked, he immediately seethed inward as he realized the ridiculous question he had asked. What else would he get it for? Being slow?

"Erm, Rasthur... What was life like... In a... um, horde... Of... " Rocky didn't want to say the word, so he thought of another word, unaware that he was babbling away, "Er... Um... A horde of... Er... Stoats and weasels and all the other manner of ver--" He stopped, wishing he had taken away his last word, "I mean..." Rocky still couldn't think of a word that would fit the purpose, so he just asked, "What was life like in a... Er, horde?"

OOC: Lame post, I know... Da*n Writer's block, ya know?

[William]

Will stayed silent as Rasthur spoke of his tribe and the, obviously, important custom of naming its members. So names were not a way of identification in that tribe, but a way of verbally explaining what they were best at. Will nodded his head slightly as he finished. It made sense in a way. The chance of a beast having the same first name in a group like that was almost non-existent, so they used the last name for a different purpose. He looked up as Rock began stammering again. He smiled slightly, it seemed to be a habit that Rock stammered allot, either he was nervous of frightened. Although he could understand why, he believed in what Rasthir said awhile ago. Lieing can save your life, but keeping your voice steady could also. In the mines if your voice stammered, you would be beaten.....Dragging his mind back to the present yet again he looked back at the fox.

[Rasthur Grassrunner]

A smug grin emerged from the curled lips of the old fox, was he fast? Did day follow night? Of course he was fast! Grassrunner was not a name given lightly in his tribe, despite the rather simple-minded trait that they all shared.

"Aye! Fastest beast that wander o'er lo' side of Mossflower!" He proclaimed proudly, this may have been a stretch of the truth at best - he knew quite clearly that he wasn't the fastest, nor was he the greatest Grassrunner to ever grace the plains. But it had been a lean generation in names and titles.

The string of stumbles and mumbles was not without their effect upon Rasthur, his ears twitched with increasing speed and frustration whilst he listened, were it not for a significant amount of self-control would he have growled 'spit it out!'. He frowned slightly at the term 'vermin', the young otter meant him no offence, though the word was still something akin to shame - no matter, he had said and heard much worse in his life time.

He leaned back slightly, reducing the weight on his driftwood and giving his spine some grace, as if glancing at the ceiling, as if something were there for him to see.
"The tribe?..." He muttered this phrase constantly under his breath, closely resembling a chant akin to casting a spell. He found his chosen word however, the one word that he could sum it up in;

"Violent." He rasped back in reply, that was the best way he could sum up his life.

[Rocky]

Rocky mentally rolled his eyes. Of course it was violent! What was it supposed to be? Fun? Creative? Deciding it was better not to ask, Rocky pulled a chair over and sat down idly, crossing his arms in the back of his head and just stared at Rasthur. This fox seemed so mysterious, yet not at the same time. This fox was different then other foxes, excluding the alignment. Rocky had run into fox's that were on the good side, but they didn't seem to have manners. This one actually seemed to have what other foxes didn't. Whether he's holding in his true feelings and acting the part or not, Rocky didn't know. He just sat there idly, staring at the fox, then his gaze turned towards the many barrels and casks around him, then to William, then back towards Rasthur.

"Did you know... I'm actually a skipper of otters?" Random, but for some reason Rocky spoke up and asked that.

[William]

Will listened politely as Rock stammered and Rasthur brooded. He could understand why Rock was stammering on his words. Its not often you ask a beast about their life, especially one that they left behind. He was actually surprised how Rasthur was acting, it was not just a few months ago when he wouldn't even reply to a question like that. So, at least he was beginning to leave his old life behind and embrace Redwall...at least a bit.

He nodded as Rasthur spoke of the tribe. From what he had seen that was a good account. He had treated the slavers in the mind as a group, a horde. And they were nothing but violent, all the time. Not a day went by when they would beat at least one beast. Will often suspected they had a quota to fill each day, and maybe they would get less food if they didn't fill it.

Looking over as Rock spoke of being a Skipper Will blinked. That was certainly a strange thing to say, but maybe he had wanted to change the topic, so Will decided to keep it rolling.
"Really? How many otters are in your Holt?"

[Rasthur Grassrunner]

The grating of wood along the cold cobbled stone did not go without notice to Rasthur, whom was still feeling rather proud of his quick spiel of his past life - indeed it was as if he had died and been reincarnated in Redwall. His ears twitched wildly with each thud and thrum of the wooden leg's journey across the nooks and cranny's of each stone. He felt himself draw a sharp intake of breath suddenly, with almost subtle care. Despite being in a relatively safe area surrounded by friends, he still found his guard was up, he instinctively bowed his head as if to glance at his paw. It had tightened on his cane - ready for combat.

This was a time of revelations then was it? The sudden introduction of Rocky's title did little to concern him, let alone unnerve him. He had regained his usual composure and had proceeded to treat his back with the usual care he offered.

William seemed interested in what the lad had to say regardless, but what was there to be known about river-dogs? The boisterous sort with a merry lifestyle whom deemed everyone a friend until proven otherwise. Contrary to his way of thinking.
"A Skipper who tends t'gardens?" The fox eventually rasped almost cynically, he had yet to fully grasp the concept of speaking his mind where appropriate.

[Rocky]

"Why don't you try saying that to my face, fox." Rocky snapped. Relaxing slightly, Rocky changed his position for a comfier one and began his tale, "When I was a young one, I lived at my father's holt. The holt was attacked, but my father managed to repel the attack at the cost of his own life. Only reason I was alive was because I was out traveling. When I returned, my mother told me to take up my father's role, then she just died. I think she was sick. So I became the skipper." Rocky explained. Cracking his neck, Rocky let out a slight sigh of relief, then answered William's question, "Not many otters. None, really. I returned to find them gone... Or dead..."

Changing his position yet again, Rocky decided to stand up and hailed Rasthur, "Now... Why the sudden snap, Rasthur? Are you still holding on to your past, so you treat everyone with no respect. Pathetic." Rocky had no idea why he just did that, but had no concern of inflicting pain upon the fox, because, frankly, the fox probably recieved much worse. But still, Rocky was thinking deep down at why he called Rasthur pathetic. Maybe it was the feeling that he had to stand his ground? Who knows.

((Im really sorry these posts are short... I can't really find the proper time to make good posts until nighttime, then Im tired... So Im really sorry.))

[Rasthur Grassrunner]

((Not at all! Their quite alright.))

If Rasthur could widen his eyes in disbelief, he would've. But that was beyond his current capabilities and there was only one other outlet for his disbelief at the snap he had returned for his comment. Laughter. It began as a chuckle and interrupted into what could be described as full blown laughter. 'Say that to my face'? He repeated in his mind whilst engaged in his fit - he found it especially ironic that Rocky seemed to have forgotten whom he was conversing with. By all means Rasthur would direct his comments to the face of whom he directed them at, but his current condition inhibited such luxuries.

"Snap?" The laughter amplified. Surely he was mad, laughing at the aggression of a much younger otter who could probably lash at out him should he push him far enough.
"I did no such thing." Rasthur replied, eventually regaining his composure once more. The fox's lips curled into another smirk whilst he processed what else had been said and how he would respond,
"Respect...Is another thin' that has to be earned." The line between a smirk and a smile was near erased on his features now. But Rasthur stiffened, as if Rocky had stabbed him with his words.

Was he really holding onto the past? That answer was rather simple...Yet complex. On one hand, the past defined the present and therefore the future; it made him who is today, whether that was a good or bad thing, he really didn't care. But on the other, he had made it quite clear that he had wanted to repent for his past sins, his taking of countless lives - so far he had barely atoned for one.

"Don't use such harsh words so suddenly." He eventually replied in his slow rasp, "They make y'appear brash and weak.". This wasn't an insult from his view-point, more so a word of advice; then again, almost everything he said wasn't an insult in his would-be eyes. He certainly could say much worse things.

[William]

Will frowned as Rock told him his story about becoming Skipper. It was a shame that situations like that always seem to happen to beasts. Who could do a thing like that to another beast, to ruin their life lik....oh. He though with a small shake of his head as he turned his head to look at Rasthur. A beast like that. Well not now of course, but back then.

"Sorry to hear that Rockey." He said quietly as he looked back as Rasthur laughed at him. Will couldn't help but smile. It was true, the other skippers he'd met were always warlike covered with tattoos. Soon his smile turned into a chuckle as he thought about that. But he quickly stopped himself as they started to argue back and fourth.

He looked back at Rasthur as he stiffened at Rock's sharp insult. Was he mad, or did he see truth in what Rock said. But as he spoke Will couldn't tell what his reaction had been, but he could at least guess that it had caught Rasthur off guard, and he was mad....

[Rocky]

Rocky growled slightly at Rasthur's words, and, if William wasn't there, Rocky would've lunged at the blind beast. "Is there something wrong in your head?" He eventually said, showing no objection to the rising anger in his voice. "And brash and weak? Don't even get me started." He said and eventually added two more words, "Blind fool."

Then, Rocky's personality changed as William spoke.

"It's alright, William." Rocky said, frowning slightly, until a few tears fell. "I never really gave it thought about my past... I never realy knew my father..." Rocky said, allowing a few tears to fall on the ground in front of him.

[Rasthur Grassrunner]

The smirk remained strong. Even stronger perhaps. Rasthur wasn't deterred by the threats directed at him in the slightest sense. Even if he couldn't see the otter, he was quite confident that he had survived worse encounters in his life time. Eventually, he opted for another gentle chuckle, the reckless and ill-tempered attitude of the young always sought to remind him of himself - which only made it so much more entertaining.

"The blind can see what others cannot." He replied sharply with much confidence, it was a principal that had driven him all these years; had he not lost his sight, he would've never realised the sheer sin his life style generated.

"Besides, the past is unimportant." Again the fox's reply was straightforward and wasn't at the same time. It was his way of seeking closure, as if he had never done what had been done - perhaps Rocky should take the same approach, he mused with a slight smile.

[William]

Will's small smile turned into a frown once again as Rock started to cry. Reaching out he placed a comforting paw on Rock's shoulder. "Sorry to hear that Rock, but know that you have a new family here." He said, smiling widely at him before he turned back to Rasthur, rolling his eyes slightly. "I'm going to have to disagree on you with that Rasthur. Without the past we would all be nothing, we wouldn't have any memories, we wouldn't have any conflicts, and we wouldn't have our same personality. I mean without your past you might still be a horde beast, and I might still be in the mine." Smiling at both of them he patted a barrel next to him. "Tell you what, instead or arguing why don't we all have a drink to forget about it, just don't tell anyone else Rock." He said with a wink as he passed him and Rasthur a empty cup.

[Rocky]

Rocky couldn't put up with Rasthur anymore. In Rocky's eyes, the fox was acting ridiculous. "Past unimportant? See? What'd I tell you? Your a blind fool. A fool! The past is important, just as important as the present, I believe." He snapped. Something inside Rocky felt like it just snapped, and all his pain, and anger was flooding back up to the surface. The young otter was about to go on, but he decided against it. "Will... I can't deal with him. Ill be somewhere around." He patted William on the back then started walking up the stairs. When he was out the top of the stairs, he turned, shook his head, then continued.

Upon arriving outside the door, Rocky quickly found a chair, some elders talking, and some dibbuns playing. Now... This is comfortable. Rocky smiled, a tendency he did when trying to hide something, and just sat on the chair, propped his legs up on another, and just sat there, Thinking. Were the two going to come up? Or was he going to be left alone? Little things such as those flooded through the otter's mind like atoms. When one thought passed, another quickly filled its place. It was like scratching an itch in one place, then relaxing, then having to scratch another. No mater what Rocky did, he couldn't get rid of the thoughts.

OOC: I hate Writer's block. I reeeaaaally do.

[Rasthur Grassrunner]

((Ouch...Well...You smell funny...=P))

The fox snorted, he refused to heed such ridiculous words. His life had taught him so much more than that. The past is meaningless, there is only now and the future.

"Why should we hold onto that which clouds our judgement?" He remarked solemnly with an air similar to that of a scholar, "Why is something that exists only in our minds so important?" He inquired again, his voice gaining pitch and fervour, "Why is it that for something that happened so long ago, I still feel as if it were now!? The fox ranted, the cracks in his self-created labyrinth to protect himself from such a harsh reality were now ever-increasingly apparent.

He directed his would be gaze to the otter whilst he spoke and insulted him, he snorted again, the lad was being irrational.
"Important my eyes.." Rasthur muttered with much disdain, regaining his composure from his outburst quickly, "Don't breath a single word of what I said." He rasped quickly and mildly threateningly to the Champion, though in all honesty, he really didn't know what he would do and he really wasn't in a position to make demands.

The old fox gave a sigh, feeling rather childish, they were both having tantrums. Such things were supposed to be beneath him, he was supposed to be a venerable elder, filled to the brim with wisdom ready to be imparted to the younger generations. In his eyes, he had fulfilled half of that duty.
I suppose I should apologise to him He mused in between his rants of senility,
"I suppose, I should stop him before he does something stupid." Rasthur eventually spoke aloud, it was really his way of saying that he was going to apologise, or at least make amends - he had enough sins as it was to repent for and his supposed fate at the Hellgates grew less and less gracious with each season.

[William]

Will sighed as he held the two goblets and neither of them were taking them, he wondered why they continued to argue, Rasthur continued to say the past was unimportant, yet the entire reason he was arguing was because of what happened in the past. Sighing again as Rock stormed out of the cellar Will set the goblets aside and turned to Rasthur, rolling his eyes slightly.
"I think it would be best for you to do so Rasthur." He said simply, there was no need to try and give Rasthur a lesson now, it would only start another argument and there had been enough of those today. Taking one last look at the blind fox he turned on his heel and walked out of the cellar.

Soon finding his way to where Rock as sitting he pulled a chair from one of the tables and sat down next to him. Hoisting a young squirrel onto his shoulder as he did. The dibbun smiled and started to clamber all over Will's shoulders as he smiled. "Don't try to take what Rasthur said to serious Rock, though in some ways your both true." Taking the squirrel on his shoulder he gave him a candied chestnut as he turned his chair to face Rock, the squirrel smiling and running off to play with his friends.

"Rasthur was correct because the past is sometimes something we want to forget, so we block it out and claim it as unimportant. His past in the horde is something he wants to forget, but instead of memories he is reminded about it every day when he wakes up, so I can only imagine what he has to remember when he thinks about it. It must tear him up sometimes." Setting a paw on Rocks shoulder he smiled slightly. "You are correct because the past is important, especially if it is a good thing, or a life changing thing. "My time in the mine was important for me because it made me what I am now, but sometimes I try to block out that time, sometimes I hate that time. A thing for you would be back in your old Holt before you became Skipper. Yes, it was a horrible horrible time, but it made you what you are now." Smiling a little wider he leaned back in his chair. "Really the answer to the past is important depends on the occasion, but you are both right in your own ways."

(Probably going to be late to my first class....but it was worth it. )

[Rocky]

Rocky looked down as William walked up to him. He had hoped, for some reason, any reason in the world, that William wouldn't notice it. Rocky wasn't in the mood for talking right now. Much less about an argument he 'ended' by walking out. Rocky smirked as Will lifted the small squirrel up. "You're good with young ones, eh, William?" Rocky teased.

Rasthur was correct because the past is sometimes something we want to forget, so we block it out and claim it as unimportant. His past in the horde is something he wants to forget, but instead of memories he is reminded about it every day when he wakes up, so I can only imagine what he has to remember when he thinks about it.

"I know we block it out, an that it may be something we want to forget, Will... But that doesn't claim it to be unimportant." Rocky said, calmly, trying to cease his anger from rising up again.

A thing for you would be back in your old Holt before you became Skipper. Yes, it was a horrible horrible time, but it made you what you are now.

Rocky sighed slightly, "I know, William. But the thing that I hate most is that I wasn't there to help them. Who knows, maybe I could've been the one dead on the ground and my father the Skipper still. I would do anything to switch places with him. I... You see...? I dont want to remember it, but its important. You're right, it shows how I became Skipper, yes, but I became Skipper in a cowardly way. I became Skipper only through bloodline. I didn't even prove myself to my remaining holt when I found them. They just labeled me Skipper." Rocky said, trying to object the rising anger in his voice.

The young otter stuck his paws in his pockets, and his eyes went wide as he felt something. Could it be? Of course. It had to be what he thought it was. He pulled hs hand out of his pocket and held the remaining piece of his crown in his pocket. He always kept that in his pocket, so why;d he forget about it?

"This is the remaining piece of my crown, William. The one that means im Skipper." The crown was pure gold. Well... no... Not pure gold. A mix of gold and silver, but the gold showed on top. "Thats the crown piece that went in the front of the crown. You slide it in top, and bam! It completes the crown."

OOC: In a hurry. Would've been better.